Raven's Choice
by Rivermoon1970
Summary: Buffy learns that Giles has kept a very big secret from her and her friends, and this will change all of them. She also regains her memories of Heaven and is reunited with someone very important to her, but their reunion has far reaching consequences. UPDATE: I did some major edits to help the story flow better.
1. Chapter 1: Ruperts Secret Revealed

.** Chapter 1: Rupert's Secret Revealed**

The door to The Magic Box opened and the customary little bell above it rang to let Anya know a potential customer had arrived. However, Anya could tell right away this was no ordinary customer. She radiated power and energy like she hadn't seen in a long time. The woman was tall, dusky and incredibly gorgeous and Anya couldn't stop staring.

"Good afternoon, I was wondering if Rupert Giles was here?" She said in a clipped, very proper British accent.

"Um, I ah, ah….." Anya stammered. She was mesmerized by the beautiful woman standing before her. Just then, Giles, as everyone called him, walked up from the storeroom and stopped dead in his tracks.

"Anais. What, what are you doing here?" Giles asked as he ripped off his glasses stunned to see the woman standing before him.

"Rupert," She said softly as she walked up to him and laid a hand on his cheek, "The covenant is broken and we are no longer bound by it." By this time Willow Rosenberg and Buffy Summers had arrived at the shop and were wondering what was going on.

"But, that means…."

"Yes, that does mean." By now the other occupants of The Magic Box were near bursting with questions when all of a sudden Giles roughly took the mysterious woman by the shoulders and kissed her very passionately. The onlookers' mouths all dropped open and even more questions flew through their minds. It was at this moment that Xander Harris walked in carrying a set of color swatches….

"Anya, what color were the tablecloths you wanted?" He looked up and at the two people kissing "Oh, okay, I seem to have walked in on something? Maybe?" he looked to Buffy, "Help?"

Buffy whispered, "I have no idea what is going on. She just walked into the shop asked for Giles and then this happened."

"Ahem, so, if we are done with the kissy face Giles, can you please tell us what's going on? Please?" Buffy asked.

Giles and the mysterious woman broke apart, and while still looking at her said "Everyone, this is Anais Hennessey, my" here Giles paused, took a deep breath and said "wife".

The shock left everyone, even Buffy completely speechless.

"Um, you're what now?" Buffy asked after what seemed like forever.

"My Wife, Anais, meet everyone". Here he looked at the young people he had come to know and love, with the understanding that they were bursting with a million questions said "I know, I have a lot of explaining to do and it's a long story. I'd rather not discuss it here at the store. I am going to take Anais to my place and why don't you all meet me there in about 2 hours."

Of course their curiosity got the better of them and they agreed to meet Giles and this Anais woman later. What they didn't realize was this was going to change all of them, forever.


	2. Chapter 2: Rupert's Story Continues

**Chapter 2: Rupert's Story Continues**

Buffy and her friends met up with Giles at his home. Buffy was the most confused and hurt by this revelation. Why hadn't he said anything? Why would he keep this from us, from me? These thoughts and more were swirling thorough her head when the door opened and Giles invited them in.

"Everyone, please sit down. This is a somewhat long and painful story. I've kept it private for several reasons, which you will know after all is revealed." Anais put her hand though his to show her support, Giles was comforted knowing she was there.

"Please let me tell the whole story before you ask questions. First off, just so you know, Anais is a living Vampire". He quickly held up his had stopping any questions the group had in their tracks. "Now, I know this brings up a lot of questions, but please, let me get this out, then, you can ask away".

Giles took a deep almost cleansing breath, and then began his story "As you know I was quite the rebel as a young man and outright refused going into the family business, so to speak. I did not want to be a Watcher like my Father and Grandfather and so forth. I decided I would go to Oxford, out of spite and rebellion. It was the one thing I could do that was a sort of compromise, my Father wasn't happy but he was at least glad I was going to school. At first I hated it, but halfway through my first year I met Anais. We were in a world religions class together and were quite drawn to each other. It started out as coffee dates, then late night debates over religion, sex, politics, the British Empire, or whatever was on our minds at the time. Then it grew to something more, we felll in love". Giles looked wistfully at his wife, smiled, took another deep breath then continued the story.

"Anais finally told me what she was. I remembered my Father talking about a Vampire Council and what was known as The Born. These are Vampires that are born with their Vampire powers they are alive, not dead". He let that sink in for a minute before he continued with his story.

"They don't have the same vulnerabilities, they can walk in the Sun, aren't affected by crosses or holy water. What we have learned is that they are the descendants of Lilith, Adams first wife, yes Willow, _that_ Adam, and a fallen Angel named Tamriel. The Born are a result of that union and they have not harmed humanity but if they do, their own Council takes care of it". He stopped for a minute trying to gather his thoughts together.

"Anais figured out that I had power of my own and that I was exploring my abilities. At around the same time we met a group of loosely affiliated witches, sorcerers and such. We quickly fit in and together started doing rituals, séances and minor exorcisms of haunted houses, that sort of thing. During this time Anais and I got married, well eloped really, moved into a small apartment together and continued both of our studies, traditional and witchcraft. One day, a man named John Constantine, a sorcerer and our self-appointed leader told us of a particular house that desperately needed our help. This is where everything went wrong". For a moment, pain crossed Giles' face; he looked down at the floor and closed his eyes as those horrific memories invaded his mind. He was silent for what seemed like forever before he took up the next part of his tale.

"John called upon the demon haunting the place and we were foolish enough to believe that we could contain it. The demon got loose, killed two of our friends and was about to kill me when both John and my Wife intervened. John learned its name and was able to beat it back to hell. However, in the process, I became demon touched. It took me a long time to heal and while I was healing, Anais had our first child, a son named Matthew". Here Giles sat down, collected his thoughts and leaned into Anais for support.

"We decided to leave Oxford and we went to Anais' family home. They were amazing and welcomed me with open arms. I was still young, deliriously happy and an excited father. The only thing marring our happiness was my bouts of anger and pain. I've always lived with darkness in me and the demon mark just made it, worse. Let's just say that we found a solution to help me, release this energy, this thing inside me, in each other." He stopped again, trying to hold back some unspoken emotion.

"Another 2 years goes by and Anais is pregnant again, and we have an amazing daughter. Angeline," Giles's face lit up at the mention of his daughter's name, "She was all light and beauty. For 15 years we had this lovely creature that just shone. I had decided at the time to go to the Watchers Academy, and with my family close by, we were hardly separated. Then, one day, my beautiful daughter, was killed by a drunk driver." Rupert was having a hard time continuing this part of the story. The pain on his face was like nothing Buffy or the others had ever seen. Anais looked at him and he nodded his head, they silently communicated something and Anais took up the rest of the story.

"As Rupert said, we were insanely happy. He had graduated from the academy and was apprenticing with his Father. I had a thriving horse trading business myself, which was part of my family's holdings. We were young, successful and from all accounts thriving. When we learned of the accident we were actually in Vienna on a sort of Honeymoon. I have other children from my first marriage, as I am over 500 years old. Yes, before you ask, that is considered young among my family. My oldest son George called us to tell us what happened. We left right away and came back to England. By the time we arrived at the hospital, it was too late". Giles was visibly shaken and his Wife's voice had deepened with pain and sadness. It took her a minute before she could continue.

"Not every child born to a living Vampire is a Vampire. Some have a normal life, some have a preternaturally long life, and some gain other powers. Unfortunately Angeline was not Vampire, she was fully human. Her injuries were so substantial that not even my blood could heal her. Our grief was all encompassing and nothing, not even our son could console us. At home, we just clung to each other, not wanting to let go. Rupert was starting to lose it, the demon mark was taking over and his dark energy was fueling my Vampiric instincts. My other children could see this and tried to calm us. But, unfortunately, we were to get more bad news that night. My son George came to us he had something else to tell me. George's younger brother, Thomas, had hung himself. They found him several hours after we left the hospital. We found out later that he had been the bartending the very place the driver was drinking at". Anais put her head down, tears threatened to fall, she took a deep breath and found the courage to go on.

"I was inconsolable and my sorrow and rage was fueling his demon mark even more. I was on the verge of full Vampire rage when Rupert, grabbed me and carried me to our room. There, our combined rage and sorrow manifested in the most horrific way. We tore into each other. Biting, ripping, and slashing at each other till we were exhausted. My sons found us like that, torn, battered and bloody. They tried to get close to us, but in my grief I wouldn't let them near. The only thing they knew to do was call our friend John, who came right away. He was able to separate us. He helped clean up our wounds, but, our souls were ripped apart. We were separated for the first time in 17 years. Rupert's father was called as well as mine and they came to the conclusion that in our grief we were a danger to each other. They made us agree to a covenant and not really understanding what was going on, we agreed. We could only see each other for a few weeks each year, to give ourselves time to heal. This was a magical covenant and we were bound to it for 10 years. Now that time has ended and the covenant has been broken."

After the story ended everyone in the room was silent. Buffy, came over to Giles, put her arms around him and said "Why didn't you tell us? When you came to Sunnydale, was that why you were so stiff and a little sad?"

With tears in his eyes, he looked at the girl who had become like a daughter to him "Yes, Buffy. It's why I was so hard on you and why I was so distant at first. I didn't want to care for you, but well…"

Buffy looked at him, wiped the tears away "Giles, we would have all understood".

Anais looked at the young girl and said "You don't understand Miss Summers. The covenant, it didn't let us speak of any of this. We could talk with each other, but we were not allowed to talk about it outside of family except for one person. And it had to be someone that needed to know our story. Our rage, our sadness was too great and it could have spilled onto an innocent."

"I didn't want to hurt my new slayer." Giles looked wistfully at Buffy.

"What are you going to do now?" She asked

"You already know what I decided Buffy. This just lets me know that my decision is the right thing to do. You need to be on your own. As much as I…..care for you, I can't keep holding your hand. You need to stand on your own, for your sake and for Dawn's."

"So, you're still going to leave me. Go back to England?" she said with cold anger in her voice.

"Buffy, please, don't make this any harder than it is. You can do this, you _are_ strong enough." The rest of the guests stayed silent through the whole interaction, but were visibly uncomfortable. Buffy just looked at Giles, turned angrily and walked out.

"Giles, give her some time, she'll come around". Anais, laid a hand on his leg, and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Giles…" Willow started to ask something, but she was hesitant, "Yes Willow?" "Umm Giles, did Jenny know about all of this?"

On a sigh he sat down and pondered for a moment, "Yes, Willow, she knew. After our first encounter with Ethan, who was there the night of the exorcism, I was able to tell her everything. That was my one. I was saving it for Buffy. I never anticipated that I would feel what I felt for Jenny, but she knew and she understood." Willow shook her head like she understood, though she was as confused as everyone else.

"Willow, take care of her, and Dawn. I….."

"We know", said Xander as he whisperd in Giles ear "Way to go on the hottie there Giles", at the withering look Giles gave him he said "Ohhh kay, time to go, come on scoobies, let's leave these two lovebirds alone." They all left, still with questions, but unwilling to ask them in light of all the revelations of the night.

As soon as the door closed behind the last guest, Rupert grabbed Anais by the hair, his eyes going dark and dangerous kissed her passionately, almost violently "Tell me what you want," he asked her, in a whisper she said "hurt me, hurt me like only you can my Ripper." He picked her up in his arms and took her into the bedroom.

Slowly, almost agonizingly slow Rupert peeled off her shirt kissing, biting and scratching as he went. She reached out to take off his tie when he stilled her hands, "No. Not yet." He continued his slow undressing of Anais and when she was completely naked he took off his tie and said in her ear while kissing and tugging on the soft fleshy part with his teeth "Darling, lie face down on the bed, and I will give you what you want." She felt herself already getting wet by all of the attention he had given to her body, she sighed and did what he asked.

He tied her hands to the headboard and proceeded to kiss her everywhere. His hands and mouth were everywhere at once, teasing, touching, scratching, and biting driving her mad with desire. He cupped her beautiful heart-shaped ass and caressed it, she melted into his touch when all of sudden she felt the sting of the slap. She yelped in surprise, but he didn't stop. The blows were sporadic and they went from soft to hard. She squirmed in exquisite pain as he kept landing blows on her increasingly sore bottom, but with each hit, each spank she felt herself getting wetter and wetter and a feeling in her center that drove her mad with desire. All of a sudden he stopped, looked down at her and asked again "Tell me what you want," and again she almost cried, "Hurt me Ripper, hurt me like only you can do". His eyes went dark and that spark of demon energy flared to life. He took off his belt, for he didn't have any of his normal playthings at his disposal, but this sufficed.

The anticipation drove her mad, she was whimpering, begging for the exquisite pain she knows he was capable of providing her. Her Ripper had always had this dark madness in him, but after the demon mark, it only got darker and his tortures more creative. The first blow landed hard and made her jump a little, "Be still my love, or it will only hurt more," which, by the way, was what she craved. She hadn't felt this from him in far too long.

The second blow landed creating beautiful marks on her as the pain blossomed within her very core. He didn't stop, didn't pause, he just kept landing blows with his belt, taking her beyond the pain to where each whip of the belt felt like an exquisite kiss. She screamed out, her body slick with sweat, writhing in ecstasy, not knowing where the blows would land kissing her body with the pain, it almost drove her to the brink, when all of a sudden it stopped and his hands were all over her, soothing her, kissing her with his mouth, tasting her with his tongue. Still tied, she couldn't give it back to him, and that was a different sort of pain. She wanted to touch and taste herself, but she knew, by this time he needed to take. She didn't know when he had taken off his clothes, but she felt his naked body move against hers, felt the hard erection against her ass. All she wanted was to feel him inside her, the ride of the pain and pleasure driving her mad, she needed that release only her Ripper could give her. Just when she though she couldn't take it anymore, just when she was on the verge of begging to feel him inside her, she felt him plunge, swift, deep and rough. "Oh God, Ripper," she cried "Yes, take me, please I beg you", and that was all he needed. He grabbed her hips hauling her up and plunged in deeper this time. Holding her still, he built up a rough exquisite rhythm. Each time he plunged back in, her backside would receive a hard slap. "Yes, Ripper, yes, hurt me, fuck me, take me," within minutes she felt her the orgasm rip through her almost as if it was going to rip her apart. Rupert felt his own release and came hard and deep inside this beautiful woman he loved the most in the world. He fell beside her, spent, but full of love.

He carefully removed Anais' bondage and pulled her into his arms "Are you okay my love?" all the while stroking her back and legs. "Yes, yes my darling I'm okay". Rupert got up from the bed momentarily to get the soothing lotion he kept, just in case. While lying together he smoothed the cooling liquid all over her back, legs and arms. For Anais, the aftercare was almost as exquisite as the sex. His hands soothing her, stroking her and loving her had felt wonderful for it had been too long.

"Rupert," she asked "were you really making plans to come back?"

"Yes. Buffy has grown too dependent on me; she needs to heal from her soul being ripped from Heaven. She needs to see that the people around her are depending on her and wanting to help her get through this. She can't do that if I am here." He said with sadness in his voice, because honestly, he really didn't want to go. He would love more than anything to stay here and take care of her and Dawn. He knows, though, that she'll never regain her strength or her spirit if he stayed, and it broke his heart.


	3. Chapter 3: Pain and Confusion

**Chapter 3****: Pain and Confusion**

Buffy stormed into her house with Willow, Anya and Xander close behind. Dawn came rushing down the stairs when she heard them coming in.

"Buffy, where in the hell have you been? I've been worried sick…"

"Not now Dawn."

"But, you didn't call, I went to the Magic Box and no one was there I was getting ready to call Giles…."

"NOT NOW DAWN." Buffy yelled at her younger sister.

Xander, quickly sensed a situation that could get way out of control gently took Dawn's arm and said "Hey Dawnie, let's go get something to drink. Buffy just, well we all found out some stuff tonight and it's messing with all our heads"

"What's going on?"

"Dawn, look, I'm sorry I yelled, I just need a little while and I will explain everything. Okay? Go with Xander."

"Okay Buffy." She said dejectedly. Being the younger sister of the slayer was so _not _everything it was cracked up to be.

Buffy collapsed on the couch; her head was full of questions with no answers. It was bad enough that she was still angry and depressed about being pulled out of Heaven, but now all this stuff about Giles she never knew.

"What the hell, Will?" Buffy looked at her best friend and was trying not to still be angry at her. Willow had brought Buffy back from the dead. She had thought Buffy was suffering in a Hell dimension and used dark magic to resurrect her best friend. What Willow didn't know was that Buffy had been in Heaven. When Buffy came back down to Earth a piece of herself was lost and Buffy didn't know how to get it back.

"I don't know Buffy; I'm just as shocked as you are. Giles, _married _and he could never tell us. It's so sad and so, I don't know, tragic, I guess?"

"But, Will, he's still _leaving me, leaving us_. Going back to a life we never knew he had. Children? He has a son? Why keep all that from us?"

"Buffy, what do we really know about Giles? He never really talked about his life before coming to Sunnydale. And if it wasn't for that one Halloween, we wouldn't even know he had the nickname Ripper and that he had delved into magic."

"I know. I'm just so confused Will, I need to do something; I don't even know what to do. Tell me what to do Will?"

"Buffy, I can't. You need to talk this out with Giles. I can't tell you what to do."

Through this whole conversation Anya had been quiet. She was just as confused and hurt also, but like always, they never asked her what she was feeling.

"Well, if you ask me…" But, she didn't really know what to say.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, Willow went to answer it and saw Giles standing there. "Giles," she said as she flung herself in his arms letting him hug her for a minute before she broke the contact. "I'll get Buffy." He didn't question how Willow knew he wanted to talk to her, so he waited in the living room. The others said their goodbye to him and as Anya got up she said "Giles, Buffy isn't the only one who's upset. I think all of us are."

"Anya, let me talk to Buffy. I will come to The Magic Box early and we can talk, okay?" Sensing that they didn't want her there, she left, hoping that Giles would keep his word.

Buffy silently entered the living room and Giles saw that she had been crying. At first they just looked at each other uncomfortable for the first time in a long time. "Well, this is awkward". The silence stretched out between them with the knowledge their relationship would never be the same. "I know you're hurt and angry at me Buffy, but I thought I explained why I couldn't tell you."

"Giles, why did you tell Jenny and not me? I thought we were….." She wanted to say she loved him, but the pain of his lying to her was still too fresh, the hurt too deep. She said softly, head down "Closer than that."

"I never expected to have feelings for anyone other than Anais. We saw each other so little over the last 10 years, and I," He got up, walked to the large window and looked out "I needed someone, and Jenny was there. I never lied to her, I told her from the beginning there was someone else and when she didn't understand, I had to explain. I wanted it to be you Buffy, I wanted to tell you, but after explaining everything to Jenny, well I just couldn't". He turned around to face his slayer, pleading with his expression for her to try to understand.

"But, why do you have to leave? Why can't you stay, just for a while? Just so I can understand all of this."

Giles walked the short distance it took to reach Buffy and enfolded her in his arms. The tears he'd been holding back threatened to break free. Buffy, however, didn't fight them. She let them come for she knew she was losing her Watcher and there was nothing she could do to stop him. "Buffy, you aren't you. You keep wanting me to make your decisions for you," he lifted her chin up so he could look at her; "You are stronger than this. I know you're in pain and I wish I could take it all and let you rest, but you're here and I can't live your life for you. What happened to cause such deep sorrow, such deep pain? It's more than just being pulled back into your body, what are you holding back?"

"Giles" she said as she broke away from his hold. She was suddenly antsy; like there was a memory or the echo of a feeling she'd been chasing and hadn't quite caught-up to it. "I don't know. I feel like I'm not complete, like there is something missing and if I could just remember it I'd be whole again." She turned her back on Giles, and cried silent tears. He moved up behind her, laid a hand on her shoulder, chin on her head. "Buffy, I can't give you back what you lost. I can only let you go so you can find it." He laid a kiss on her head, slowly turned around and quietly walked out the door. Buffy soundlessly crumpled to the floor and let out silent screams, she wanted to cry, but all her tears had dried up.

Willow found her crumpled on the floor and kneeled next to Buffy and just held her, letting her release all of her pain and anguish, feeling guilty that she was partly responsible for it.

Two days later Giles left. He had given her some money to help with expenses and while more than grateful she wished he would just stay. Buffy knew it would be a long time before she could forgive


	4. Chapter 4: Confrontation

**Chapter 4 **– **Confrontations**

Four years after Giles had initially left Sunnydale Buffy found herself on the Hennessy compound looking at a building with Giles's wife. She and the other slayers needed a safe place for a while. When Willow used her power to activate all of the potential slayers at once, they didn't realize what they were getting into. But the forces they had been up against forced them to use drastic measures and the consequence were an imbalance in magic and a fear of the girls from several nations.

"Wow, so this whole building is for us?" Buffy looked at her benefactor incredulously. She never imagined that such a place could be used for her and the other slayers. She could tell the building was old, but it was sturdy and quite beautiful with ornate carvings all around. Anais had been more than welcoming. She'd been wonderful. It was nice to think that they might be able to stay put, for a while at least. Moving around, staying ahead of the bad guys had put a lot of stress on her. So much had happened, and she and Giles still haven't truly talked, not in years.

"Yes Buffy. I would imagine that you can use it as a school of some kind. Some of these girls are still quite young."

"Anais, you've been more than welcoming, how" she paused "How can I accept this as well? Will we be safe? I know people and other… things are after me and the other slayers. This could put your family in danger."

"Buffy, this building is on our property. It's been in my family for generations. Don't worry we have signs and sigils everywhere. Especially Angel signs. This building also has a few Devil's traps as well. This is the safest that I think you girls will be."

"Well, Faith and I thank you for your generosity. I think a school is fitting… wait, Angel signs and Devil's traps?"

Anais chuckled because she was wondering if Buffy had caught that. "Yes, one of my, shall we say, Uncles is an Angel."

"A what now?"

"An Angel, his name Is Castiel and he is one of Tamriel's brothers, I think. Not really clear on Angel relationships, but he says Tamriel is his brother, so we just go with it. Castiel has been helping the Vampire Council for a long time and as long as we don't hurt any humans he won't smite us. He checks up on us every once in a while. He even taught me Enochian, the Angel language, ever since I was a child."

"I guess with everything I have seen, Angel's shouldn't really surprise me." The name Castiel though had triggered an unexpected response in her heart. For some reason the name was familiar and she thought she should know it.

Anais laughed, laid a hand on Buffy's shoulder and said very seriously "He'll be glad you like it. You know he was a wreck for the longest time and when you needed him again, well, it made him very happy."

This was bittersweet news to Buffy. Although she came to understand Giles reasoning for leaving, it still hurt and there was so much that happened in such a short time with protecting the potentials and fighting the First Evil they still hadn't talked. And just before the big offensive against the First, Giles and the others had thrown her out of her house. The pain from that had not gone away. She knew that she and Giles needed a good long conversation, and soon if this was going to work.

"Yeah, well there are a lot of things we need to talk about."

"Giles told me everything Buffy, and for what it's worth, I'm on your side". She looked long and deep at the girl that Giles loved so much, wondering if they would be able to heal this rift between them. "Anyway, this place is safe, plenty of comfortable rooms for living and teaching. You just tell me what you want or need and we'll see that you get it."

"You know, Anais, I actually kind of hated you at first. But, I think I am starting to change my mind."

"It was a lot sprung on you all at once. I'm sure you had a lot of questions with no answers and I'm sorry for that. When you are more settled, you and I should have a long talk. I want Rupert to be happy and having you, Dawn and the other slayers here, well, that makes him very happy." With that Anais turned and walked away leaving Buffy alone in the gigantic building. She slowly walked through the halls and looked in as many rooms as she could and thought to herself "This could work."

Giles stood back to let his wife and Buffy have a few minutes together. He knew that there was a lot of hurt and anger still on Buffy's part. They hadn't had time to discuss the revelations of him being married, his leaving when he did or the fact that he was instrumental in breaking her down in front of the others. He also knew there was no going back to the innocence of their time together at Sunnydale High. He always tried to protect her, more than he was able to protect Angeline. The pain of losing his daughter was ever present in his mind and he supposed that for a while, training, protecting and yes, loving Buffy eased some of that pain.

Now, he didn't know how to get her back. It's not that he completely lost her, but their relationship was damaged, hopefully not beyond repair. Anais found him sitting on a bench outside the large beautifully ornate building. She sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder, showing him comfort and support.

"You should go to her."

"I'm afraid." He admitted.

"My Ripper is afraid? What are you afraid of my love? Not being what you were to each other? Well, too much has happened to both of you and you haven't talked. Not about me, not about what you felt when you had to leave, not about anything. She's been here for weeks and the two of you avoid each other like the plague. Yet, you each ask after the other. So, go to her, find out where you stand with one another. You love her don't you?" He nodded his head yes, "So, go try to fix it, just remember it won't be the same, but maybe just maybe it will be better".

He knew she was right. Buffy had been angry at him since he left her four years ago. And, there was so much that happened all at once that they hadn't talked about it, any of it. Giles made a decision right then to go to Buffy, and try to at least explain some, if not all, how he was feeling. He grabbed Anais's face in his hands and kissed her long and deep. His wife, the antithesis of the things he had helped his slayer fight, was the wisest most wonderful being in the world. "Your right, as always, we need to work this out. And, yes I love that girl, sometimes too much. You helped pick me back up when I thought she was dead and I don't know if I could survive…" Anais knew what he was trying to say and just laid her hand on his and simply said, "Go to her Rupert." He let go of his wife's hand, got up and went in search of his slayer.

She heard the familiar even footsteps and turned when they stopped. They were in a large room with many chairs and not much else. "This would make a great classroom. Don't you think Giles?" She said while turning to face him.

"I never could fool you, could I? You always know when it's me. All those times I made you practice blindfolded paid off." He joked.

Buffy tilted her head to the side and for a minute Giles saw the young, scared teenager he had first met at the Sunnydale High library.

"Giles, I….." "Buffy, I….." they said at the same time.

"Buffy, you go first."

"Giles," She stumbled on her words, not knowing where to start when she suddenly, angrily said "You left me. I was in pain, I was hurting and you left me. And only came back when you needed me to help you protect those girls. How could you do that Giles?"

"Buffy, you know why I left. You were not making your own decisions; it was almost as if you were sleepwalking through life. _That _wasn't my slayer. Even as much as you rebelled against your calling, you knew who you were, what you were and didn't question it after you finally accepted your destiny. But, when you came back, when Willow pulled you back, you weren't my slayer anymore."

"Giles, I was in Heaven, at least I believe it was. I remember being at peace no more fighting, no more decisions, just me and…..and…." She looked away wistfully, trying to remember something important, some memory that had been knocked loose, but hadn't quite surfaced.

"You're Mother?"

"No, though I did, or think I did, see her. No, this was different. I felt loved, like nothing I've ever felt before. Almost as if my soul was complete….." She looked off in the distance, trying to remember what or who made her feel this way. Suddenly very angry she picked up a chair, threw it across the room, where it splintered into a hundred different pieces, turned to Giles again and yelled, pouring all of her anger, pain and frustration that had built up over the last four years. "_Be strong Buffy, take care of Dawn and everyone Buffy, Stop seeing Spike Buffy, Buffy help us, Buffy we need you, well what about what __**I **__wanted Giles. I was expelled from Heaven. No one asked what I____needed. No one helped me, I was __**ON MY OWN." **_ She screamed out. Gilescrossed to her, grabbed her and wrapped his arms around her, knowing that she could easily throw him across the room. She beat on his chest letting all of that pain pour out of her in tears.

"Buffy…." He had no words. He had only ever seen his slayer break down once, when Joyce, her mother, died of a brain tumor years ago. He just held her, as she sank to the floor, still pounding his chest, but the blows were weakening as she lets out years of heartache and frustration. Giles held her tighter, rubbing her back, calming her down, just saying her name over letting her know he was there for her.

"I'm sorry, Giles. I think I just ruined your Mr. Professor jacket there." She joked, while the tears kept flowing, no longer as painful, but somehow soothing. "Giles," she said quietly "I was so angry at you. Telling us about your wife, then leaving, Willow going batshit crazy, then a few months later showing up on my doorstep with these girls, these potentials and telling me I needed to protect them. I was overwhelmed and no one was listening to me," here she almost whispered, as if the shame of her relationship with the Vampire still lingered "except Spike." She paused because she suddenly realized a truth about herself that she had been ignoring for so long "I think I'm broken Giles and I don't know how to fix it. Something's missing and has been for a long time."

"Buffy we all let you down. You were always so strong but we, I, should have seen how much pain you were in. I was used to the strong, self-sufficient Buffy, not the broken, scared girl that I left. I'm so sorry that I let you down."

"Giles, it wasn't just when you left. It was when you came back too. You didn't trust me. You didn't trust my judgment. Yes, two potentials were killed on my watch, but you know what? The stakes we were playing for were high. They died and that is always going to be on me. But none of you backed me up. There was no way that someone wasn't going to get hurt." She closed her eyes and laid her head on Giles chest, weary from all that pent-up rage, weary from the tantrum, weary from the running and trying to remember that piece of her that was missing.

Giles, still stroking her back, tried to soothe his slayer, for in his mind she would always be his slayer, "Buffy, you're right. All of us let you down. We should have tried to understand what we put on your shoulders instead of expecting you to carry it all yourself."

"I was also still so hurt you never told me about your life before Sunnydale. We only ever got bits and pieces. I know you've always been a private person; I get that, but Giles, you kept a big part of yourself secret. Even from me. I thought….I thought we were closer than that."

Giles sighed heavily. How to explain the reasons he had to keep his relationship with Anais so secret. Yes, he tried to explain it to her years ago when his Anais had come back to him, but, it seemed it was inadequate.

"Buffy, when my daughter died, it almost killed me, literally. Anais and I have a different sort of relationship…."

"You mean, kinky, like whips, chains and leather? Oh God I just creeped myself out."

Laughing, Giles said "Actually, yes…."

"Stop, right there, I do not need to know this. What you and your Vampire wife do in the bedroom is, proudly, none of my business."

"Well, yes I see your point; anyway I was still processing her death, separation from my family including my son Matthew. I wanted to tell you, to explain everything but things got in the way and it just became easier to hide it. I didn't expect to…care so deeply for Jenny. She was a surprise and I needed the companionship. I used my one tell and let her know everything. Then, she died….and later you sacrificed yourself for all of us…I almost didn't recover" Giles face closed down and Buffy could tell he was still hurt from this, from losing more people in his life, losing her. "When you came back, I didn't want to open myself back up to you and that was wrong. I do love you Buffy, and, well, I guess I want us to become friends again, if nothing else." Giles looked hard and long at his slayer and waited for any cues any sign that he'd gotten through to her.

Buffy took a deep breath, all the while looking back at Giles, wondering how to re-define their relationship. "Giles…." She started, trying to collect her thoughts, "I don't think it will be the same, but I am willing to try. Friendship sounds like a nice place to start." She felt a weight lift from her shoulders, but at the same time she kept going over in her mind the name Castiel and couldn't figure out where else she had heard that name. It was like a memory, something just on the edge of her mind, but it just wouldn't shake loose, no matter what she tried.

All of a sudden Faith walked in; she had been looking for Buffy when she heard the crashing of chairs, the yelling and the crying. Normally she would have thought someone who acted like that was a stupid spoiled brat, but it was Buffy. Buffy never acted like that, never broke down, but after hearing what she said, Faith felt about 2 feet tall. She knew she was responsible also for some of the pain and anger Buffy had felt. When she heard the quiet voices and the two of them were just talking she felt it was safe to go in.

"Buffy?" she said softly as she took in the scene of broken chairs and Buffy curled up next to Giles looking so vulnerable and beaten. "Hey, are you okay Buff? "

"Faith, how long…how long have you been standing there?"

Faith didn't want to lie, not anymore, not to this woman whom she thought of as a Sister even though she didn't always show it. "Long enough, Buffy," She took a deep breath before she spoke not wanting to put her foot in her mouth or make a smartass remark, "Buffy, I'm sorry too. Things were going so wrong, and the girls were so scared they, we, I was angry at you. They looked up to you and my jealousy got in the way. I should have been there for you and I wasn't."

"Faith, thank you that means a lot. I know we haven't always been, what you call friends, but you aren't less than me Faith and I didn't treat you fairly. And, I never really said, I'm sorry about the Mayor. Well, not sorry that I stopped a 30 foot monster bent on destroying Sunnydale and eating all of our fellow students…"

Laughing, Faith stopped her "Buffy, that's okay. Yes he was important to me, but I didn't see him for what he truly was. Let's start over, okay? Hi, I'm Faith, I'm a slayer too." She held out her hand and Buffy got up to take it, "Are we 5x5?"

Smiling Buffy said "Yes Faith, we're 5x5." She grabbed Faith and Giles and hugged them tightly, almost fiercely. "Buffy, okay Buff, we're good, you can let go now." She released both people, looked at them long and hard, "I want to trust you guys again, and I want you to trust me. Things have been….too much and I need my friends right now, more than ever." Buffy squeezed their hands and quietly walked off.

Faith turned to Giles confused, "Giles, what did she mean?"

"I don't know Faith. Something new has been bothering her; I'm hoping she'll eventually talk to me or at least Willow." Faith just nodded her head and walked out wanting to take a long walk to clear her head and figure out her life since the big bad Evil had been beaten. She didn't know what was going to happen next, all she knew was that these girls needed protecting and it was going to take all of them to do it.


	5. Chapter 5: Castiel

**Chapter 5 - Castiel**

_Castiel stood at the top of Demons Ridge, fighting his way down. They'd been given the mission to take it back and hold position so the Ephilium could come and hold it on their own. "Haven, watch out" he yelled, she spun pulling out her Angel sword and cutting the demon coming at her in half. She swung around again to see two more coming at her. "Cas, we need to get to the other side and make way for the Ephilium". She yelled as she fought the two Demons advancing on her. One swung out with a wicked looking short sword, trying to knock her off balance. She swung her sword and connected with his arm slicing right through. The roar of pain from the Demon spurred her on, she spun letting her momentum carry her and she sliced him in half. Blood and gore spilling out, on her and on the ground, making it slick and dangerous, she yelled out for everyone to be careful. The second demon hadn't forgotten about her and tried to come down at her from above; she expanded her wings and in the blink of an eye met him in the air. The Demon tried to use his barbed whip aiming it at her wings, she dove just before the whip connected. She flew back up with her sword in her hand and stabbed him through the chest. The demon screamed and fell down to his death. She landed back on the ridge next to Castiel, who had been engaged in his own fight. She continued with her original conversation "Once we do that we can secure the ridge." She yelled. She gave quick short commands to her Angel troops to open a path for her and Castiel to get through so they could hold more of Demons Ridge. As she ran down the left side she swung her sword high cutting a path of death and destruction to help her battalion to get through. Just as the Arch demon Nergal came towards her, she woke up, in a coffin and screamed._

Buffy was startled out of the dream suddenly, not realizing she had been crying out the name Castiel as she screamed, "Buffy, Buffy wake up…"

"Dawn? What, what's going on?" She was still disoriented from the dream, and her back with the mysterious wing tattoos itched like crazy like they had been ever since hearing the name Castiel.

"You were yelling, in your sleep. Are you okay?"

She opened her arms for Dawn to come to her, and the young woman flopped on the bed allowing Buffy to hold her a minute, "I'm okay Dawn, it was just a really crazy dream." She smoothed Dawn's hair back, softly stroking it like their Mother used to. Even though Buffy had two memories of her life, one with Dawn in it and one without, she chose to remember Dawn. She knew the memories were false, but the feelings were not. "I'm okay sweetheart, why don't you go back to bed." "Okay Buffy. Sweet dreams." Buffy only hoped. These dreams of Castiel, the battles, Heaven all of it had been plaguing her for weeks now, ever since her benefactor mentioned his name.

"Dammit Cas, we've talked about this, personal….space." Dean Winchester said as the Angel materialized right in front of him.

"Sorry Dean, but I have a problem and I need you and Sam." He said, almost pleading and with urgency in his voice that Dean had never heard.

"Cas, hey man, you okay?" Dean looked at the Angel and could tell that he was quite distressed.

"I need you and Sam to come with me. It's important."

"Cas, we're on a case. There is a possible Kitsune wreaking havoc in the area. Sam's off doing his nerdy thing at the library."

"Hey, 'That nerdy thing' has helped us out more than once. Hey Cas what's up?" Sam Winchester said as he walked in the door taking in the scene before him.

Castiel came to stand in front of Sam "I need your help. Both of yours, you have to come with me" he said, voice getting deeper than normal with an edge of stress and frustration to it.

"Cas, what's going on?"

"Someone I thought I lost, someone very important to me, I think she's here."

"Here as in Bridgeport Maine, or…."

"Sorry, here, on Earth. I keep hearing her call my name, but I'm ill equipped if it's some sort of trap. So, I need your help."

"Cas, of course we'll help. We can take care of the Kitsune, and then go with you." Dean had been anxious for a good fight; he really needed to kill something soon or he'd go crazy. Cas took note of this attitude, but he had more pressing matters to deal with.

"No, Dean, you don't understand, we need to go NOW, because she may be in trouble." He grabbed both of their hands and held on to them tightly. As they dematerialize Dean says "She?" But he didn't have time to say more. In less time than it took to blink, they landed in the middle of what looked like a large country estate.

"What the hell Cas, we were on a case, you know helping people, killing things, that's kinda what we do" Dean looked around not knowing where in hell they were at. "Um Cas, where in the hell are we?"

"We are in England, at the estate of the Hennessey family. Now, I need to tell you about them before you go and do something stupid." Sam with knotted brows and tilted head looked around in confusion wondering what the hell they were doing in England.

"Um Cas, wait, go back, what do you mean we are in England?" Dean asked with raised eyebrows and a very angry look on his face.

"That's what I said Dean. We are in England. Now back to the Hennessey's. They are living Vampires"

"What the hell" the boys said at the same time.

"Just what I said, living Vampires, they are not dead and they have their souls. They are bound by their own council and don't meddle with humans. I check in with them twice a year to make sure everything is okay. They're sort of…." Here Castiel stopped while trying to find the right words to explain their relationship.

"They're sort of what Cas?" Dean was getting more and more frustrated with Castiel's strange behavior.

"Well, they are sort of family." The Winchesters looked at him with mouths agape, stunned at this revelation.

"How exactly are Vampires family Cas? Tell me 'cause I'm really losing my patience here."

"Dean, I don't have time to explain everything. I need to find out if she is here. Come on, please just trust me and I'll eventually explain everything." Dean and Sam didn't have any choice but to follow along, seeing as they were in England and he's their only way back to Maine. "Oh, man, the Impala, what if something happens to Baby? Cas, I swear if something happens to my car.." Sam jabbed him in the rib and told him to shut-up.

Castiel walked up to the familiar door and looked apprehensive. He knew there was little chance of her being here, but this was where he pinpointed the calling. And dammit he just had to see. He lifted his hand to knock, when the door suddenly opened. "Castiel, what are you doing here? Not that I'm not glad to see you, but usually you don't knock, and who are those two yummy looking men behind you." At this both Sam and Dean stood up straighter upon seeing the beautiful woman in front of them.

"Annalise, I didn't expect you, is Anais here?"

"Come in, give me a hug first. Man, this new body has you stiffer than usual." He hugged the young woman, telling her he's glad to see her, while she winked at the two brothers standing behind Castiel, still confused at what the hell was going on.

"Wait here, I'll get Mother. _Mother" _The young woman yelled through the house calling for her Mother.

"Cas,"

"Dean"

"What the hell man? I'm definitely losing my patience here Cas,"

Castiel spun around when he felt a familiar presence, he looked up at a young blonde woman coming down the stairs and said under his breath "Haven" Just then Anais and an older gentlemen, the Winchesters assume was her husband, appeared from the side room.

"Castiel, what are you doing here? Not that I'm not glad to see you, but it's not time for your check in, but…Castiel? Castiel?" The Angel hadn't taken his eyes off the woman as she continued down the stairs. She had also not taken her eyes off the stranger staring up at her. She'd been captivated by those blue eyes, but that isn't what she saw, it was almost like she could see into his soul.

"Umm Castiel," said the older gentlemen, "This is Buffy Summers. Buffy, this is Castiel."

She turned to look sharply at the older man, "What did you say?"

"Castiel, he is an Angel and a friend."

Buffy was at the bottom of the stairs and slowly walked up to the Angel, laid a hand on his cheek and said "Why do I know you?" in a low soft voice.

"Haven," He said, as he laid a hand on her cheek and lowered his forehead to hers. "I thought I lost you. One minute we were fighting on Demons Ridge, the next you were gone. I've looked for you for ages, but for some reason I was blind to you. What happened? Where'd you go?" He looked into her eyes and saw her confusion. He laid a hand on the spot between her chest and throat. A white light emanated from his hand and he said softly in her ear "You still have your Grace. Remember." He pulled away slightly still looking into her eyes.

Buffy pulled back, still looking at Cas, "I know you and don't know you at the same time. And why is this damn tattoo itching, oww, it's burning." All of a sudden she screamed and dropped to the floor as she felt like something was trying to break free of her skin. The older man dropped down beside her ready to help when Cas pulled him back up and away saying "You really don't want to do that Giles." She shrieked from the pain and the burning when large black wings finally broke free as if they had been confined for ages. When she was finally able to stand, her eyes were pure white and she was glowing all around.

"Buffy…." The older man just looked stunned, not knowing what to say.

"Giles, I remember. I remember everything." She crossed to Castiel, took his face gently in her hands and kissed him long and deep.

The Winchesters stood there mouths agape, Dean had a smirk on his face mouthing 'way to go Cas'. Sam hit him in the shoulder eyes wide with a look that said 'what the hell is going on?'

Finally Cas and Buffy broke apart and Cas started to explain. "This is Haven, known here as Buffy Summers. She had jumped through a portal to Hell and sacrificed herself to save mankind the energy of the portal she jumped through burned her up and she died. She earned a special resting place in Heaven, but like a lot of warriors, she was bored…."

"Wait, hold up, Warrior? You're just, just a tiny thing you a hunter or something?" Buffy felt like she should be insulted, but was actually slightly amused at the dark haired man's discomfort.

"No, I'm the Slayer. What's a hunter? Do you shoot little innocent bunnies or something?" She said sarcastically

"Very funny blondie, no we hunt….things. Demons, Vampires, Werewolves that kind of thing, what in the hell is a slayer?"

"Oh man, you gonna make me say the stupid prophecy? 'One girl in all the land….la de da, hunts Vampires, Demons; I even stopped a self-proclaimed God, which is what got me killed".

"Okay, look Dean, Haven, can we measure your parts later. You wanted to know what was going on Dean and Sam I'm trying to explain." Buffy and Dean just looked at Cas, shook their heads and didn't try to correct him on his bad use of slang.

"Sorry Cas, please continue." Sam had just been watching this whole exchange with both amusement and confusion. He just wanted to know what in blue blazes was going on.

"Buffy, was made an Angel in the Army of God, and her name became Haven. She lead one of the most successful Angel battalion's ever seen. She never lost a soldier. Ever. In the 100 years she led and fought like nothing I've ever seen. We were very close." He looked at Dean indicating just how close they were.

"We were given the mission to take back Demons Ridge. This is one of the intersections between Heaven and Hell. The battle was going our way when all of a sudden, she disappeared. She'd been ripped out of Heaven right in the middle of battle. We looked for ages, and we all assumed she was dragged into the ridge. We fought on and eventually won, then the Ephilium came, the guardsmen so to speak, where they continue to this day to watch over the area. I have been looking for her ever since."

Looking into Castiel's eyes she said "I was pulled back into my real body. My friend Willow used an ancient spell and I awoke, confused, scared, and still in my coffin. My grace must have been buried inside me. I remembered I was in Heaven, but not much else."

Sam looked over at Dean and mouthed 'that is so messed up' Dean replied back 'I know, what the hell'

Buffy continued, "I was able to dig myself out, but I always knew something was missing, something wasn't right". She kept her eyes on Cas, making sure he really was there, "I can't believe I forgot you Castiel". She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him long and deep. All of a sudden they flashed out of the room, leaving the group to stare after the abandoned spot.


	6. Chapter 6: Reunion

**Chapter 6 – Reunion**

Cas and Buffy materialized in her bedroom and they hadn't let go of each other, but once their feet touched the floor, Buffy momentarily broke contact. "Cas….." she said still staring into his eyes "I wanted to get away from everyone for a while. I hope you don't mind. Ummmm, this is my room." She said shyly.

Still processing that Buffy was right there, in his arms, he couldn't get enough of looking at her. "It's fine". He pulled her to him again and she laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him. She felt strong arms reach around and pull her tighter. They each were caressing and holding one another, not saying much, but saying everything with their touch. Buffy wanted to feel more and she reached underneath Cas's shirt so she could get to his warm soft skin underneath. He sighed as he felt her hands touching him in a way that no one else had. "Haven….." he looked down at her again, taking her mouth, softly at first running his lips across hers slowly then taking the kiss deeper. She responded with a deep sigh, as if she'd never been kissed like that before. He didn't know how he knew what to do; he was just following instinct. Experimenting he darted his tongue out to taste her lips, running it along her teeth and finally finding her tongue. By this time Buffy had his shirt fully open and her hands were everywhere caressing him, feeling every part of him, she couldn't get enough. "Haven," he said again, breaking the kiss, "I never thought I'd find you. I thought I'd lost you forever." He pulled her into a hard, tight hug, almost like he was afraid this wasn't real and he'd wake up and find himself alone again.

"Cas, I'm really here." They went back to their kissing, but it was more urgent, more passionate. Buffy finally took off Cas's trench coat and shirt, wanting to get to as much of him as she could. With shaking fumbling fingers Cas pulled her sweater over her head and she reached back and undid her bra. Her small, but round breasts fell out and Cas's breath caught at how beautiful she was. He bent down to kiss them taking each nipple in turn, sucking and licking. He was spurred on by her sighs and moans, so he nipped them a little and hearing her breath catch he let out a moan himself. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him, bent her head to his neck and started kissing and sucking that soft tender area. He threw his head back letting her take more. He moved them to the bed lowering them both as they continued their kisses and took pleasure in each other.

He knew about sex, hadn't been immune to the physical affects that women had on his vessel, but he never had the nerve, until now, until his Buffy was found again. He used his tongue to touch and taste her soft pliant skin. He wanted more, so he peeled off her pants and again touched and tasted everywhere. He made his way down her stomach and legs planting soft warm kisses as he went. Slowly he made his way back up to her thighs and pulled moans of pleasure from Buffy. He saw the triangle of cloth covering her center. Buffy couldn't take it anymore, "Castiel, oh Cas, please, please I need you, I need you…" her breath caught as his tongue darted out licking through her panties. He slowly pushed her underwear aside and sought her center, wanting to know what she tasted like. She ran her hands through his hair and encouraged him to continue. Finally he pulled off the offending layer between him and his goal. Once gone, he feasted like a man starving. He licked up and down her soft folds, flicked his tongue over her hard swollen nub. He took it in his mouth and sucked. She was getting wetter as her body responded to the ministrations to her labia and her clit. Buffy panted and cried out his name. She bucked her hips and begged him for more. She felt the build-up in the center of her being, waited for it to crash over her, when he suddenly stopped. He stood up to take off the rest of his cloths, but stopped because he was a little scared and a little shy so he just stood there and looked at her for a long minute.

"I've…..I've never done this before" he said shyly. He looked so innocent, so vulnerable something in her heart shifted and broke a little.

"Castiel you are so beautiful, not just your body, but your soul is beautiful". Buffy said as she moved to the end of the bed. She worked to undo his pants and slid them down and off him so she could get to her goal. He was still standing there naked when she took his full, hard erection in her hand. His eyes glazed over with pleasure as she moved her hand slowly up and down his shaft. He closed his eyes and just let himself get lost in the pleasure she gave him. He felt an unfamiliar, but not unpleasant, wetness around his cock; he looked down to see that she had taken him into her mouth. She licked and sucked him, paying special attention to the head. "Oh, God Haven, that is" his breath caught "Amazing" he almost cried, saying her name over and over as she gave him pleasure. Suddenly he couldn't take it anymore, he needed to feel her, all of her, and he needed to be inside her. He pulled back and guided her back to the center of the bed.

Knowing what he wanted because she wanted it too, she opened herself to him, to her Castiel, her missing piece. He was positioned above her, a little hesitant, a little unsure when she reached out and grabbed his hips and guided him to her. He went slow, wanting to savor her, savor the feeling of his first time. He slid in her wet and warm entrance. When he was full in he lost himself in the wonder of her, he couldn't help it he was like a man possessed. He sat up, hauling up her hips, putting her legs on his shoulders, he worked himself in and out, faster, harder, his panting came in short quick breaths "Haven, Oh God Haven, you feel so good, I..I…" and he could no longer talk he just felt. "Cas, yes, oh yes, make me come Cas, come with me please," They both felt the rush of the build-up, they were so wrapped up in each other, so open, some of their grace leaked out. It touched and intertwined and searched for the same pleasure they were feeling. With their combined grace all around them, Cas fell on top of her, still moving, pumping faster, he chased that sweet release, when all of sudden he heard Buffy cry out, felt her muscles contract around him telling him she came. This triggered his own release and he cried "Haven" over and over. He came deep and hard inside her, their grace captured them, held them then crashed back down around them as they fell together in ecstasy, spent, but blissfully happy.

After what seemed like forever Cas looked down at his love, his soul mate, "That was….." he had no words adequate to describe what he was feeling. He never knew that sex could be like this. Dean's descriptions never included this intimacy, or how it feels when you love the person. "I don't know what to say. It's not like anything I've ever imagined sex would be". He stumbled on his words.

Smiling, Buffy looked up to him "It's okay Castiel. It's never been like that for me either; it was more, more everything." And she started to cry. Cas, looked worried so he just held her not knowing what he did wrong. "You didn't do anything wrong Cas," She had sensed his question, "It's just been so long, and I've gone through so much and no one ever touched me quite like that before, all these feelings just came crashing into me all at once. It was beautiful. And, I like when you call me Haven. It feels" She reached up and kissed him soft and long, "Like home".

* * *

"So, you think our Cas is finally getting lucky? Huh? Huh?"

"Dean, don't be crude". Sam smacked his brother on the back of his head, "There is obviously more to their story than what Cas told us."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but who exactly are you two gentlemen?" Said Giles as he looked at the two brothers confused as to why they were there.

"Sorry, sir, I'm Sam Winchester and this is my idiot brother Dean. Like we said earlier, we're hunters and friends of Castiel." Dean scowled at Sam and planed out a revenge for the idiot remark. Sam shrugged it off, but sensed there was something simmering in his brother, but knew enough to leave it alone at the moment.

"I haven't met a hunter in, well a long time. A few would come around here looking for trouble and, well, they certainly got it. You aren't going to give us trouble, now are you?" Giles said darkly warning the brothers that any fight would not be easily won.

"Um, no sir we're not here to cause trouble. In fact we aren't even sure why we're here. Cas came to us while we were on a hunt and he was rather anxious and upset. He told us he needed our help and that 'she' was in danger. Before we knew it he flashed us here." Sam looked downright sheepish in his explanation of their situation.

"Giles," Rupert held out his hand in a formal greeting, "Rupert Giles, and this is my wife Anais Hennessey", Both Sam and Dean reached out and shook his hand respectively while Giles continued the introductions "And her daughter Annalisa, you've sort of already met".

"Hi," Dean turned to the beautiful golden haired beauty and gave her his best, and what he thought, his most charming smile.

Annalisa just looked at him and shook her head. She was used to the many wolfish grins of men and, in this case, boys. "Mother, I need to go into the office this week so I won't be around." She kissed her Mother goodbye and walked out the door, with Dean looking at her ass the whole time. Sam, again, gave Dean that look, before he addressed their host.

"Well, Mr. Giles, like I said Cas flashed us here before we could find out what was going on. He thinks this girl is in trouble. If I know Cas, and believe me we know him pretty well, he doesn't say things like that lightly."

"Sam, you have to understand that Buffy's life is full of trouble. She is just getting settled after two years of running from anything and, well, everything." The brothers looked at Giles confused, not really understanding what it was he was talking about, but going with it none the less.

"Darling, why don't we take this conversation to a more comfortable place you can explain things better." Anais led the way to a large den with comfortable and expensive looking couches and chairs. A huge 80' TV screen hung on the main wall with a fireplace and several small tables all around.

"Would anyone like a drink? Gin? Whiskey? Or, if you look in that refrigerator in the corner we have an extensive selection of ales if you would prefer". The brothers walked over to the tall slim fridge and peeked in, "Whoa, I could get used to this" Dean said quietly to Sam as they choose their drinks.

After everyone sat down with their drinks in hand Giles broke the silence. "As you heard, Buffy is the Vampire Slayer. It has fallen to one girl in each generation to defeat the forces of darkness. Unfortunately, her family moved into a very powerful Hellmouth."

"Ohhh poor kid, we've had to deal with a couple of those on our hunts, not fun. We were only successful in closing one." Dean said somewhat impressed.

"Well, yes, it did attract all manner of beings other than just simple Vampires. She was not joking when she said she stopped a God. Her name was Glorificus and she was trying to open a portals to a Hell dimension. Buffy jumped into the open portal, was able to close it, but she died in the process". The memory of that awful day still haunted him to this day. He took a moment to gather his thoughts before continuing. Dean was silent for once, remembering his own horrific hell. "Buffy's friends erroneously thought her soul went to Hell and Willow, a very powerful witch," Dean rolled his eyes thinking 'great now we have a witch to deal with?' "Leaned of a spell to bring her back, but forgot to dig up the grave." Giles let that sink in for a minute.

"So, she wasn't kidding when she said she had to dig herself out of her coffin, and her grave? Dude that is so messed up". Said Sam and Dean nodded in agreement at that one.

"Yes, well, she came back," he stopped, because he didn't know how to put into words what his slayer had been through.

"Broken,." Dean said as he looked Giles in the eye and recognized something, something he'd been feeling himself, pure and utter darkness. Sam, looked confused as he let his gaze travel between Giles and Dean. He didn't understand the look that passed between the two men, but didn't say anything.

Giles looked back at Dean with the same recognition. He saw darkness similar to his own and wondered what happened to the young man. "Yes, Broken."

* * *

Everyone else had already left the den. Sam went with Anais who showed him a couple of rooms for them to use for the night. Dean was still in the den, drinking another beer standing up and looking out of the window. He heard movement behind him and had to temper his hunter instincts to fight, so he just turned to see who had come in the room.

"Dean, you seem like a young man with too much on his mind". Giles said as he made his way to the Whiskey cart and poured himself two fingers worth then moved to stand next to the young man.

"Yeah, well, it's been a strange day, well stranger day than normal. I'm still trying to process everything that's happened."

"No, that's not what is bothering you. It's something else, something deeper. It's like you knew what Buffy has been going through." Giles waited, and saw a dark look of pain flash over the young man's eyes.

Dean bowed his head, looked back out the window pensive. No one had ever looked directly into him like this guy, not even Sam. Dean thought Sam just didn't want to know, didn't want to see the lingering effects of Hell on him, on what he did and his guilt.

Giles took a deep breath and decided to open up to this dark brooding young man "Back when I was in college, some friends and I tried to exorcise a demon from a house. In our arrogance two people were killed, and I was almost the third. The demon touched something in my soul, leaving a taint, a mark that not even Castiel has been able to remove. The pain and guilt of those deaths still haunt me and the simmering darkness, well I have help dealing with it" Giles thought of his Anais and the dark desires she brought out in him. "Do you, Dean, have someone to help you deal with your darkness, your taint?"

Dean spun around and looked Giles right in the eye, even though he was afraid of what he was going to see there. He saw the man's eyes go dark, almost black, and something, some small thing changed in his face which gave the older gentlemen a dangerous look.

"No," he said honestly, not knowing why he wanted to be honest with this man he just met. "No, I don't have anyone or anything to help, well, that's not true, hunting. Hunting helps, but honestly, it's getting harder and harder…" He didn't know what to say when he felt Giles place a hand on his shoulder.

"If you need to do something about it, at least while you're here, I may be able to help."

Dean didn't know why this scared him and excited him at the same time and he also didn't know why he blurted out "I went to Hell," His eyes widened at his confession, and looked away because he was having a hard time keeping eye contact yet unable to stop the rest of it from coming out. "I had made a deal with a cross-roads demon to save my brother Sam who had been killed in a fight against a really nasty demon." Dean didn't want to go into their whole long fight with the demon yellow eyes. He gave just enough information so Giles could understand what he went through.

"Normally the price is 10 years. I offered her 5, but she…he wanted 1. I had one year to make peace with my life, with Sam". The pain and anger was still so fresh even after all these months. "I spent the first 30 years resisting. I resisted the darkness, resisted the temptations of the demon Alastair. My soul was torn apart every day to be put back together and torn apart again". He stopped, walked back over to the fridge and grabbed another beer, not that he actually wanted one, but it gave him something to do. He didn't know what it was about this man that he trusted, that he felt compelled to open up to, but he knew that he couldn't stop now. "I gave in. I finally gave in to the darkness, I gave in to the demon and I…I…." he faltered, tears in his eyes threatened to fall, his voice catching "I did terrible things and for 10 years I became one of the very things that we hunt. I've never told Sam what I went through, though he is always asking questions". He can no longer hold back the pain or the tears, and he didn't even flinch when Giles put his arms around the young man, encouraging him to let it out, let it out or it would tear him to pieces leaving nothing, only a shell. "I can help you" Whispered Giles in the young man's ear leaving Dean to wonder what exactly that meant.


	7. Chapter 7: Can We Save Them?

7 days. They hadn't left the room for 7 days. Some wonderful soul left trays of food and bottles of water and wine every day for them. They got creative in the shower, the bath, the bed. In fact they couldn't get enough of each other. Being separated for so long they feared losing one another again. This last time together, she felt different, she felt like some small change, a light flutter in her almost like something has changed _her_. They were lying together, wrapped around each other aware that they needed to actually leave the room.

"Cas, I think the others are starting to wonder just what we are doing up here. I think we need to actually leave this room". He looked down at her, kissed her and said "Yes, I know. But I don't seem to have any clothes."

Buffy laughed "Cas, you have a clean set over there. I gave them to one of the maids while you were in the shower the other day. No more excuses Cas". She got up to go take a shower, looked over her shoulder and said to him, "No following me".

He smiled thinking about the first time they had sex in the shower, and the thing she did with her tongue, god it was making him hard just thinking about it. After a couple of minutes he got up, walked into the bathroom and slipped in behind her. She turned around when she felt him behind her, "Cas, I told you..." He kissed her hard cutting off whatever she was going to say. He lifted her and plunged in her quick and deep. She had no choice but to wrap her arms and legs around him and hold on. It was like he was on fire, as if this was the last time they would hold each other, be with each other like this. It was quick and passionate, she came hard and fast and Cas wasn't far behind. He held her up, kissing her neck and her mouth like a man possessed. She felt that something, that change, but the feeling was over so quickly she just chalked it up to her happiness.

"Cas, I love you. I've loved you for 100 years," she whispered in his ear, he sighed "Haven, you're part of me, always have been, always will be. I love you too and always will." She smiled, kissed him and felt whole and complete for the first time in a long time. Castiel gave her one last long hug before letting her go. They finished up with their showers, got dressed and made their way downstairs.

* * *

Dawn saw Buffy and the man everyone called Cas coming down the stairs. A part of her was angry at Buffy for not telling her about this, but she saw that this was not the right time to talk. Buffy looked, well happy and she hadn't been for so very long. Buffy saw her sister was looking up at them with that hurt expression on her face and it melted Buffy's heart just a little bit more. She rushed down the stairs and took her little sister in her arms.

"Dawn, I'm sorry. I know I've kinda left you hanging," Buffy smiled up at Cas, inviting him to come closer, to take her hand. "Dawn, this is Castiel. He is an Angel and well, he is that missing piece, the part of me that was lost for so long." She looked at Cas, still not believing all that had happened over the last week.

"Hi Castiel," He looked closely at the young girl sensing something, some unused, untapped power.

"Just Cas, you have a beautiful soul. There's hidden power in you. Are you a witch?" Dawn's eyes grew huge; no one outside of the scoobies and Buffy knew what she was.

"Umm, Buffy, can he tell what I am?" Dawn whispered to her sister.

"Dawn, you're my little sister. You will always be my sister. The other stuff, you never have to worry about that." Buffy turned to Cas, lowered her voice to him "Cas, she is The Key. It was made human and sent to me in the form of a sister. The monks who guarded it died trying to protect it. She is the reason I sacrificed myself".

Cas's eyes went wide and looked at the two women, "Buffy, this is bad. This girl, her power could bring down Heaven and Hell itself. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, we've been kind of busy if you remember."

"I do not need to know what you two were up to" Dawn said, not wanting to know what her sister and this stranger were doing, though she wasn't so young that she couldn't guess.

"Dawn, nothing has changed. You're still my sister and I'm still going to protect you, only now, I can do it better." Here Buffy expanded her wings and let her hands fill with her grace.

"Buffy…." Dawn was speechless, for once. "You're, you're beautiful. Are you….are you an Angel too?"

Smiling, Buffy retracted her wings and took back her grace, "Yes, Dawn. I'm an Angel. I'm a rare Angel that has been put back in her own body." She saw the awed look on her sister's face, "You aren't afraid of me, are you Dawnie?"

"No, no I'm not. I'm glad actually. I know understand why you felt so lost." Buffy gently took the young woman in her arms and held her, loving her even more.

"Haven," for Castiel cannot bring himself to call her Buffy, yet. "We have to be careful with her. Other, very deadly beings might come after her."

"Dawn, show Castiel your back," Dawn lifted her shirt, modestly enough to show Cas the large tattoo which was written in Enochian, the language of the Angels, "I didn't know why I knew how to write Enochian, but I did. I designed the tattoo myself and knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt this will help hide and protect Dawn as The Key." Sam inadvertently chose that moment to walk in on the trio. He saw Cas and quickly walked up to him grabbed the startled Angel into a hug. "Cas, it's about time we saw you. You two were, were," he stammered over his words seeing the young woman "Having sex?" The two women groaned at the frank honesty of the Angel.

Sam laughed at their discomfort, "Well, I guess that clears that up." Cas grabbed Sam by the shoulder and led him out of earshot of the two women and whispered, "Sam, I now see what you and Dean have been telling me. It's like nothing I've ever felt nothing I've ever done. Does it always feel this good? Or is it better when you love someone?"

Sam looked at Cas and laughed a little. "Yes Cas, actually it is better when you care about the person. Now, we have to talk about why you brought us here? Dean is freaking out about the Impala". Actually he was freaking out about a lot of things, but Sam hadn't been able to get him to talk.

Sam turned back to the two women and gave them his most charming smile, "So, Dawn,"

"Sam" said Dawn.

"Can I see that tattoo? Don't try to deny it I saw a little of it when I came in". Dawn looked to Buffy, who nodded her head, the young woman lifted her shirt just so the back showed and Sam and Cas looked closely at the large tattoo. It covered Dawn's back from neck to tailbone; it was round with four concentric circles and the eye of God in the middle with several sets of Enochian runes in between the circles. "That is a very complicated spell. How…How did you know Enochian?"

Buffy looked at Sam, "I remembered some of the language and as I was drawing this out on paper more of it came to me. Like I was telling Cas, I don't know how I know it, but this sigil will protect Dawn."

Sam looked from Cas to Buffy to Dawn trying to puzzle out an explanation when Buffy laid a hand on his arm "I know you want to know more, but the less people that know, the safer she is."

"Cas, is this the danger you felt? This girl? What is she and how can we help?"

"Sam, no, it's Buffy that is in danger. You see, very few humans develop grace. Buffy is one, there are more, but they are rare. Buffy is unique in that she returned to her own body, still with her grace, still an Angel." Cas looked at Sam trying to make him understand the implications.

"Cas, I'm not following you, why is that bad?"

"Because she didn't have a command to come down here, very powerful and dangerous witchcraft pulled her down. She is in her own body and that doesn't happen, ever. Those that were human at one time are not supposed to return to their own bodies".

"What's dead should stay dead. At least that is what Dean is always saying." Sam was struggling with these implications when they heard a knock at the door.

None of them knew what to do when the knock becomes an incessant pounding. Sam, not seeing any other choice made his way toward the door just as Giles showed up. He opened the door and a disheveled looking man stormed in the house and yelled.

"What the bollocks is happening over here Ripper? Angel signs are flaring up all over the bloody place?" His eyes light on Castiel and even though this was a new host, he was still able to recognize the Angel, "Well, well, well, Castiel. I should have known."

"John, I should say it's good to see you too, but…." Cas and John Constantine just stood there and stared at each other in some unspoken challenge.

"Um, John, what are you talking about?" Asked Giles

"You know I always put Angel signs and Devil's traps wherever I'm staying. Well for the last several days the Angel signs have been flashing very brightly. I pinpointed the source coming from here. And If I can find you," He turned back to Cas, "Then other things can too."

Buffy walked between Cas and John and looked the blonde man in the eyes "Oh. My. God. Who turned on the tobacco factory?" She said as she pulled slightly away.

"Very funny blondie, are you the source of these damnable flare ups? You, two, whatever is going on over here have just announced yourselves to every supernatural creature in the whole damn country." He yelled.

"John, I think you need to calm down. Things are very complicated." John just stared at Giles like he didn't understand the implications of the flare ups.

"Ripper, this isn't something you should be taking lightly. If you were trying to hide something, anything, well these two have just announced themselves to the whole Supernatural world."

"Buffy, Castiel, maybe we should explain everything to John. Shall we go in the kitchen? I desperately need coffee." They all filed out and followed Giles and the man he called John. Buffy had an idea that this was the man who caused all of the complications in Giles's life and that made her very angry. However, she didn't say anything yet because she wanted to hear him out first.

"Everyone, this is John Constantine". He slid his gaze over to his slayer, "Yes, Buffy but we aren't going to talk about that right now. John, this is Buffy Summers, she is the slayer."

"Bloody hell Ripper, is she the one that caused the imbalance in magic?"

"No, that was her best friend Willow. You met her when she was here with the Sisters. And please stop calling me Ripper."

"Okay, whatever Ripper". He turned to Buffy and Cas with a hard look on his face and asked bluntly "So, what the hell is the deal with you two anyway?"

"John, you want to watch your tone. Gabriel isn't the only one who can rip out your lungs, and I may not be so nice". Castiel threatened challenging John to say just one more snarky comment.

"Okay look, John, here is the short version so keep up, if you can," Buffy quickly went through all of the revelations including her being an Angel in her own body and the relationship between her and Cas. When she finished John jumped up, slammed his hands down on the table and leveled a hard look at all around.

"You stupid bloody imbeciles, do you realize what you have all done? And you Buffy Summers an Angel in her own body? That is unheard of and you know they will be after you now that you remember what you are. Angels aren't supposed to fall in love and they aren't supposed to have relationships. Castiel, I thought you were smarter than this."

"Well, apparently I'm not," yelled Cas, "And to be honest it's really none of your business. We can protect ourselves."

"Yes, but can you protect everyone around you when things get out of hand." He gave Cas a hard steely look. At this Cas had to concede that John maybe right. He knew that they might have to go into hiding.

Sam got up to his full intimidating height, looked down at John threateningly "Look, I may not understand all of the implications of what their relationship means, but I stand by my friends and Castiel is my friend. You, you I don't know very well, so know this I will be there to protect them as much as I am humanly capable."

"And just what do _you_ think you can do Sasquatch?"

"I'm a hunter; I've been hunting things since I was 8 years old. I can read and write some Enochian and I've got a head full of information about the things that go bump in the night. I am not some scared little boy that hides behind magic." Sam gave John his own steely gaze and challenged him to make one wrong move.

Dean chose that moment to come into the kitchen, he'd been eavesdropping and waited for the perfect moment to intervene and after hearing his brother say those things made him swell with pride.

"Well, what did I miss?" Dean said lightly with a smirk on his face.

* * *

Nothing was settled. Nothing was accomplished. More yelling more accusations and threats, but no one came up with a solution to their situation.

"Haven," Cas didn't know how to continue. They were back in her room trying to understand what it meant about the Angel signs. "Cas, what is it? You can tell me".

"I think…..I think we should run. I know that sounds like the coward's way, but I think the best way to protect everyone is for us to leave, to go into hiding."

Buffy thought this over for a few minutes and sat down on the bed with a heavy sigh, "Cas. There is so much unfinished here. The school isn't finished, there are more girls coming every week and Faith can't handle it all alone."

"Buffy," he called her Buffy for the first time and it scared her, "I'm scared. These people are only human, I don't want to get them in the middle of…of…..whatever is going to come down on us", he spun around, took her in his arms and kissed the top of her head, "I can't lose you again." He closed his eyes and stayed like that holding her.

"Cas, why don't we wait and see what's going to happen, if anything. Anais said she placed sigils everywhere to keep out most Angels except you. What if we are safe here?"

He pressed her tighter against him, fearful but understanding that she needed time to figure this out, time to say her goodbyes, because no matter how good Anais's protection was they always found a way. So Castiel conceded, at least for the time being.

"Alright, we'll stay for now, but Haven we may have to run and leave everyone behind, for their safety." Cas knew Dean especially will be angry with him, but what choice did they have?

"I know Cas, I know." She said as she wrapped herself around her Angel and tried not to think of the future.


	8. Chapter 8: Dean's Descent

**Warnings: **Consensual non-sexual S&M. Some cussing.

A little while after the big confrontation, Dean was sitting on a bench outside the Slayer school reflecting on the last week that Cas, him and Sam had been here. He was trying to think of a way to protect those he cared about the most. The only conclusion he had come to is he really, really missed Baby. The Impala was all alone, but at least Bobby would take care of her. He chuckled to himself shaking his head knowing that his love for his car was a little obsessive. Of course it's the only possession he and Sam have that once belonged to their Father.

"You have been a very pensive young man this last week." Giles said as he approached Dean. He stood there and waited, for what, Dean wasn't quite sure. The guy had pretty much left Dean and Sam alone for the last week while Cas had his 'quality' time with the hot blonde. And for some reason this made Dean a little angry. After their talk in the den, he was sure there was going to be more. What more that was he still didn't know.

"Yeah, well I'm kinda stuck in a country I've never been too, my car is…is…well I don't want to think of what horrors have been happened to Baby. And I haven't ganked any monsters in a freakin' long time," Dean raised his voice in anger, "All so Cas can get it on with some hot blonde, then you and you're whatever it is…..." Dean looked full on at Giles letting all of his anger and frustration with his situation show.

"Dean," Giles wanted to help this young man with his demons and he thought he knew how, but his approach had to be careful. He didn't want to scare him, "My offer to help you still stands." Here he paused and looked for the right words to say, "When I was touched by that demon, I was broken, scared, and angry. Physically it took a long time to heal, but mentally, emotionally even longer. My Wife was worried, she didn't know what to do, so she searched for a solution and we finally found a way to deal with my problem."

Dean wanted to ask, but for some reason he was afraid of the answer. "How…." He looked hard at the older man, and again Dean sensed a familiar darkness, a familiar pain, "How did she help you?"

Giles leaned down a little and looked into Deans very green eyes and said quietly, "I could show you." Dean's heart was pounding just a little too fast as he heard a dark promise in those words. Of what that was he didn't know if he was ready to find out.

"So, is this like a gay thing? 'Cause if that's your thing that's fine, but I'm not…" Giles looked at him with raised brows, almost knowing what he was going to say, "You know, gay."

"No Dean, nothing so simple. Do you know what a Dominant Sadist is?"

"Whoa, um I don't know where this is going…" He faltered because a part of him, a tiny voice, spoke up and said 'hear him out', but it scared him. He knew that once he stepped on that path, it would change him forever.

"Dean, I suspect deep down you have a masochistic side. In fact watching you with your brother this past week I am sure of it. You would let yourself be hurt for him, just so he doesn't feel the pain. You take it, and you hold onto it almost like a badge of honor, but there is never any relief for you, for your pain." Dean's heart pounded just a little harder; he didn't understand how this man, could see into those dark spots in his soul.

"What," he said quietly, "What do you want from me, how can you help me?" Dean waited for an answer as he tried to understand his feelings and why he was drawn to the older man, and why was this offer so tempting.

"I often need an outlet for my dark….tendencies. My Wife is usually most accommodating, but once-in-a-while, I find someone I connect with, someone that wants or needs that release I can give them. It's not often, but Dean, I find I am drawn to you, to your inner demons. If you want me to back off, if you're not interested, I will understand."

The thing was Dean didn't want him to back off, he wanted to know more. "Tell me," Dean said almost on a whisper, "Tell me I can be whole again. Tell me you can show me how to feel…..human again". Giles moved in closer to the young man leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Meet me tonight, 10 o'clock. There is a room down the stairs from the den, if you want to know more, that is where I'll be."

Dean swallowed hard, anticipation and fear ran through him at the same time.

* * *

As the time ticked closer to 10 o'clock Dean's anxiety rose. He didn't know what Giles wanted, he didn't even understand what he wanted, but he knew he was going to meet him. He dressed simply in jeans and a white t-shirt. He showered and shaved, for some reason he thought shaving was important. Nerves, like butterflies in his stomach, fluttered through him, but he made his way down the stairs and towards the den anyway. On the way he saw Sam in the library 'God, the kid never stops' he thought. Sensing someone watching him Sam looked up and saw a strange expression on Dean's face and a sense of worry washed over him. He got up to go to his brother. Knotted brow and tilted head he asked "Dean, what is it? Where are you going?"

"Sam," he stumbled on his words, looking back at his shaggy haired younger brother, "I've got something to do. Don't worry if I come to bed late." Dean couldn't quite keep the anxiety out of his voice.

"Dean, is something going on?"

"Sammy, I just need to do….something and I need you not to ask any questions, okay?" Hearing the pain in his voice made Sam worry even more, but sometimes, and he learned this the hard way, he needed to let Dean work these things out for himself. He would eventually open up, hopefully.

Dean grabbed Sam's shoulder and gave it a little shake, telling Sam with his touch what he was feeling even if it was hard to say with words.

"Okay Dean. Whatever you need to do, you know I'm here for you."

"I know Sammy, I know." He watched as Dean walked toward the den wondering what was going on, but wise enough not to push.

Dean didn't tell Sam what he was about to do because he knew his brother would not agree and would try to stop him. He went down the stairs as instructed. He saw a large heavy door opened it and it easily swung inward on silent hinges.

"Close the door." Giles said. Dean did as asked and walked to the center of the room. He was actually surprised. He didn't know what to expect from a kinky dungeon, but this was not it. Yes there was a bed with restraints, some bars hanging from the ceiling, a sort of tilted table and a large metal frame with restraints in the middle of the room. The sound proofed walls had various whips, riding crops, paddles and other instruments designed to administer pain when used by a deft hand. What he didn't expect was the level of decoration and comfort. It wasn't dark and dingy, but had a lot of light; the walls were covered in obviously expensive dusky gold wallpaper. Ornate tables, a leather couch and a couple of chairs were also scattered around the room.

"Not what you expected?" Giles asked, standing there in khaki's but no shirt.

Dean noticed hard muscles and a defined upper body, he felt a little fear run through him at the thought of the force those muscles could exert, "No, I'm surprised. It's kinky, but it looks, comfortable." Dean said.

"Dean, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. My offer always stands. Remember, in here you have all the control. You choose a safe word and you tell me your hard limits and I promise I will not violate either of those conditions." For some reason, this relaxed Dean a little, but his heart was still beating hard, almost like it wanted to break out of his chest.

"Can I make one request? Can we have some classic rock playing? None of that namby pamby 80's rock crap, but AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, Kansas, that kind of stuff?"

"Sure, just give me a moment." Giles left Dean for a moment and he suddenly heard 'Back in Black' come over a hidden speaker. He didn't hear his host come up behind him till he heard a whisper in his ear, almost predatorily. "Take off your shirt, if you're staying."

Dean's breath hitched, he was afraid, but excited at the same time. He lifted the t-shirt over his head, exposing a hard muscled body riddled with scars and what Giles recognized as an anti-possession spell in the form of a tattoo. Dean looked at the older man, breathing hard with a mixture of anxiety and anticipation.

"What is your safe word?" Giles asked as he slowly walked around the young man.

Dean thought for a moment, "Kashmir."

"What are your limits?" This back and forth negotiation was strange, yet kind of thrilling,

"No knives, no sex, and don't scar the tattoo."

"Sex is only reserved for my wife. Understand this Dean Winchester, once this starts, there is no going back, for tonight, you are mine until you give me your safe word, or I stop it myself, do you understand?"

Dean nodded his head that he understood fear climbed up into his throat. Giles moved very close to the young man, eyes so dark they were black, not demon black, but a darkness that Dean felt himself falling into, "I will hear you scream before this night is over." Said Ripper, for at this moment he was no longer Rupert Giles.

Giles led Dean to the metal frame where his arms were lifted above his head and restraints were wrapped around his wrists. He was then told to spread his legs wide and Giles fastened his ankles as well. Dean tried the restraints out and knew they were very secure. He couldn't get out of them, even if he wanted to. Around his waist was a sort of brace that was secured to the frame from both sides, "To help hold you up" Explained Ripper.

Ripper walked away for a moment from the young man, went to the wall and considered his options. He decided to go slow at first and grabbed the three tailed leather flogger. He walked around Dean, hitting him softly almost gently at first, building up Dean's tension and anxiety. When the first real blow came it caught Dean off guard. The sting of it rang through his body, but he barely had time to process the first when he felt the second, and the third. By the time the fifth blow landed on him, Dean no longer resisted he let the pain in, let it wash over him in waves. This went on for several minutes while Ripper reveled in the welts rising on Dean's body, which encouraged the older man to continue.

Ripper decided to change his instrument of choice, this time he went for a bullwhip that ended with a split leather tail. Dean was panting hard; he almost anticipated and welcomed the pain of whatever his torturer had in store. Ripper walked around the young man and flicked the whip towards the floor to create a cracking sound, trying to build up Dean's anxiety and fear again. "Are you going to scream for me Dean?" He said as he cracked the whip around the young man's waist.

Feeling the cruel pull of the whip around his body Dean didn't want to give in and yet he did at the same time. His eyes were shut; mouth clamped in a challenge with himself not to scream out, not to give Ripper what he wanted. He felt each crack and flick of the wicked whip wrap around him. Ripper, no longer went easy on him as he tried to force Dean to give him what he wanted, the boy's submission to the pain. After several minutes of this Dean couldn't hold it back, he cried out and his cries were filled with the pain of the whip, the pain of losing his Father, the pain of Hell, from his years as a torturer and the pain of his guilt. He started to let it all out in his screams as each kiss of the cruel instrument wrapped around his tender flesh.

Ripper stopped, dripping with sweat from the exertion walked over to face Dean, lifted his head and asked, "Do you want me to stop?" Dean, eyes filled with silent tears, full of pain and also pleading looked at the older man, "No." And hung his head, partly from the pain, and partly from the shame he was feeling, letting this man beat the crap out of his body, but it felt so….good. Dean shut his eyes even harder thinking there must be something wrong with him.

Ripper laid the whip aside and went for a long thin flexible riding crop. He placed the middle part of it under Dean's chin and lifted his head, "There is no shame in what you're feeling, let yourself revel in the pain , let me hear your screams" he slowly lowered the instrument walked to the side of the frame and landed a powerful blow on Deans already tender back. The force of the blow ripped a scream from the boy, while Ripper continued to expertly land blows all over Dean's torso, without breaking any skin and without disturbing the tattoo. This went on for almost an hour, the different instruments of torture changed from time to time which gave the young man different pain sensations.

Dean finally let it in, giving in to it, his head fell back and he began to enter a different state.

Ripper saw that Dean had entered that delicate, yet dangerous state of subspace. A state where pain is no longer felt, where each blow can felt like a kiss or a caress. He decided to end their session. In this state Dean would not use his safe word, he'd let the tortures continue till he was ripped apart and Ripper knew just what that felt like. He took off the stabilizing belt, then slowly undid each of the restraints, and lifted the young man up and laid him on the bed all the while Dean protested saying he could take more, he wanted more. Ripper went to the small bathroom to the side to get Willow's special antiseptic and soothing lotions. Dean continued his pleading, while Giles gently applied the antiseptic and came down off his own high.

Dean started crying at the gentle touch, hard wracking sobs; he curled up into himself and let out years of buried emotional pain. Giles gently took the young man in his arms and rocked him and encouraged him to let it all out.

Finally, when he was spent, Dean laid back down and lets Giles smooth the cooling lotion all over his chest and back. "You can stay here for the night if you want." Giles told him, "If you need anything, there is a phone right there and one of the night maids will take care of it." Giles stayed awhile and watched the young man and wondered what more there was, what other emotions he was hiding. When he sensed Dean had fallen asleep he slipped out of the room and went to his ever patient wife to give her a good, hard fuck.


	9. Chapter 9: Everything Falls Apart

**Chapter 9 – Everything Falls Apart**

Dean woke up several hours later, still in the dungeon. He saw that Giles had left a note saying they should talk later. Dean reflected back on the evening and felt confused. He had enjoyed it too much, but also felt a bit of shame over it. Yet the release at the end was like nothing he experienced before. Dean easily found the bathroom, saw a shower in there and decided he needed to feel the pounding of the hot water. He looked in the mirror and saw the barely fading welts all over his chest, stomach, sides and back. He didn't know what he was going to say to Sam, for the kid will have a million questions. He's just too smart for his own good, thought Dean. He stepped in the shower, and relished the heat, but flinched at the sting on his tender flesh. He noticed a deep ache in his muscles, and even with the shower he was still stiff and sore. He stepped out, walked to the medicine cabinet to see if there was anything in there that would help when he saw a bottle of muscle cream with the note "use this, you may need it". "Man," thought Dean, "this guy really does know what he is doing".

After finding his clothes and putting them on, he walked over to the metal frame and touched it, stroked it and knew he'd be back. He wanted that same release and knew he just maybe a little fucked-up for enjoying it, but not caring. He felt like a little piece of his soul had been put back to rights. And if he could feel a little more human after one session, well what would happen after several? He sighed deeply he didn't question it at the moment just accepted that this was something he had to do.

Dean headed up the stairs, not really knowing what time it was and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Sam sitting on one of the couches, waiting. Dean sighed, and anticipated the fight, even though he didn't have the energy for it.

"So, Dean, what exactly is going on down there and why were you there all night?" Sam asked with a bite of anger to his question. He thought he knew, but was afraid of the answer, afraid of what Dean was getting himself into.

"Sam, I asked you to leave it alone. Please, just trust me."

"Dean," Sam paused when he saw the look on his brother's face, that look of resolve that always got to Sam, knowing that nothing he said would change his brother's mind, but he tried anyway "I know you're chasing your demons, but this?" He lurched up from the couch and before Dean could do anything Sam lifted his shirt and saw the marks all over his body. "Dean" he said softly "Why?" Sam looked at him with love and concern in his eyes.

"Sam, I can't explain, but I….I need this right now, okay? Please just try to understand?" He said while roughly pushing Sam's hands away.

"Dean, I gotta be honest with you man, I really don't understand, I don't understand what has been going on with you for a long time, but I'll back off, for now, but if I see you go too far with this, I will stop it." Dean knew his brother well knew he would keep that promise.

"We've got bigger things to discuss anyway. Cas and Buffy are talking about running."

"What?"

"Yeah, Cas thinks that if they hide that will protect us from any other Angel attacks or whatever else might be after them. Also her sister Dawn has one of the most complicated sigil tattoos on her back that I've ever seen. Buffy says she designed it herself _two years_ ago." Sam gave Dean his best 'shit just hit the fan' face, "It's got Enochian writing and the Eye of God."

Dean let the implications of that sink in when Rupert walked into the room. "Ah, you're awake I see. I was just coming to…" He didn't finish his sentence when he saw Sam standing there with simmering anger on his face. Giles looked the young man in the eyes and decided to be honest with him because he had a feeling the brothers were going to be there for quite some time. "Sam, what is going on between your brother and I is between your brother and I". Giles expression told Sam that he would not betray Dean's trust.

"Just," Sam stumbled on his words, "Just take care of him, okay?"

"Sam, you may not understand what's happening, but trust me when I say that I am". Rupert's steady dark gaze let Sam know that was the end of this conversation and Sam just needed to let Dean ride this out.

"Um, I'm right here, can we stop discussing this right now?" He looked hard at his brother before turning to Giles. "Giles, Sam said that Cas and Buffy want to run? Do they not think we can protect them?"

"It means that now, more than ever we need to protect Dawn."

"Why Dawn, I thought Buffy was the big bad slayer? Is the kid a slayer also? Like, does it run in the family?"

"No, Dawn isn't a slayer. She's much more than that and I can't explain. I promised Buffy I would keep her secret. Castiel seems determined to run, Buffy, however is in disagreement"

"How can we help?" No sooner were the words out of Dean's mouth when they heard a loud _**BOOM**_. It sounded almost like a small explosion. Everyone in the house ran to a window to look out to see what was happening. All of a sudden Buffy and Cas were in the den with the others. Cas, looked out of the window, with a terrified look on his face and said "They're here". No one had to ask who _they_ are.

Out of nowhere several Angels appeared on the expansive lawn. Dean and Sam weren't sure how they got past the Angel sigils when Cas responded to their unspoken question. "The sigils aren't on the grounds, only the buildings". He turned to Buffy and was about to say something when a deep voice rung out, "Angels Castiel and Haven. We know you are in the house. You have two choices, come out and give yourselves over to us, or you fight your way out but either way it won't be pleasant".

"Dammit, I thought we had more time".

"Cas, what do you want to do? I'm not afraid. If you want to fight, we'll fight, but if you want to run and take it elsewhere, then I'm behind you all the way". Buffy said as she looked at Cas with resolve.

"Cas, man, I've been itching for a good fight, so if you wanna go after these douchebags, I'm right there with you."

"Dean, as glad as I am to hear you say that, Angels are stronger than you, you and Sam could get yourselves killed. I can't have your deaths on my conscience".

"Hey, Cas, man Dean's right, we've fought a couple of these guys before and came out okay. Let us help."

"Buffy, we can't flash out elsewhere because they will figure out where we went. We need to get away, far away so they aren't on to us. If you want to run….."

"Time is running out Castiel, Haven, you need to make a decision quickly. We know the house is protected but that doesn't mean we can't try and use the girl."

"Oh no they didn't, they did not just threaten my Dawn." And before they knew it Buffy had flashed outside in the middle of the 5 angels waiting for them before anyone could stop her. In less time than it took to blink she already had one down on the ground and was going toe to toe with another, while the last 3 were advancing on her.

"Shit," Everyone gaped at Cas for no one had ever heard him cuss before, "I have to get out there". He too landed in the middle of the Angels and tried to hold them at bay while Buffy battled the one in front of her.

The Angel pulled out her sword and swung it towards Buffy. Buffy ducked grabbed the Angels arm and while standing up flipped the Angel over her shoulder onto her back. Buffy flew up a little and landed hard on the Angels arm, forcing her to drop her sword, and also rendered her unconscious. Buffy promptly picked up the sword and ran to help Cas. All the while Cas was fighting the three other Angels. Buffy spun around, and without thinking plunged the sword into one of the Angels. The Angel fell and died. "_LEAVE HIM ALONE_," Screamed Buffy as she advanced on the other two Cas was engaged in. All of a sudden all action stopped and they were all pointing swords at each other, threatening further violence. "All right Cas, you've chosen you're course, but know this you won't be able to hide forever". They gathered their fallen comrades and flashed out of there before anyone else was hurt.

Buffy and Cas found they were still holding the Angel blades and decided it was a good idea to keep them. "What do you want to do now Buffy?"

"You're right Castiel. We have to leave, we have to hide. Dawn will be safe here, won't she?"

"Buffy, I believe she will and if we can convince Sam and Dean to stay they will be even better protection. They are very, very good at their job."

"Alright, just let me say goodbye?"

"Make it fast, because we don't have a lot of time." She reached up and kissed him full on the mouth. They flashed back to the house in time to see everyone trying to make their way outside. The fight hadn't lasted more than 5 minutes.

Buffy ran up to Giles and Dawn, grabbed them in a big hug, "I have to leave. If we stay here it will put all of you in danger". Giles felt his heart breaking once again, but he understood her need to protect her sister. "Buffy….." He didn't know what to say as it seemed that they were always saying goodbye to each other. "Will I see you again? I can't lose you again", he grabbed her in a strong hug with tears flowing easily this time he whispered in her ear, "I love you, I always will".

Buffy let go of him, looked up into his face, "Giles, you have been more of a father to me than my own. I will always love you too. Take care of Dawn, and I will come back."

Dean was looking at Cas and had no words to what he was feeling. Even though he loves his brother, Cas has been the best friend he never thought he needed. He didn't know what to say so he just grabbed Cas and pulled him into a hug. "Take care Cas and be careful. You know I'm always there for you man".

Sam did the same thing; though he knew he didn't mean the same to Cas as Dean did he knew Cas still cared. "Take care man, watch your back and if you ever need anything, just ask."

Buffy looked at the brothers and sized them up and had come to a decision when she finally spoke up. "You two have experience, you know how to fight?"

"From the time we were boys. Our Dad taught us all he could, we then picked-up a few moves along the way. Why?" Sam asked.

"Sam, you asked what Dawn was, well she is very important. She is called The Key. This Key can open any spiritual lock anywhere at any time. This means Heaven and Hell and everything in between. She needs to stay here and she needs protection."

The brothers looked at her incredulously. They had a life back in the states, not here. Dean knew he was going to stay a while, but this, this was a huge commitment. Before he realized what he was saying he looked at the young woman and said "We'll stay". Dean looked over at Giles with a steady hard look.

"Dean," Sam glared at his brother with that knitted brow look, "Don't you think we need to talk about this?"

"Sam, Cas doesn't have a lot of time. If you want to go back we can find a way to get you home, but I am staying, especially if the girl needs looking after."

Sam took a deep breath and knew Dean was right, "Alright Buffy, we'll stay and look after Dawn".

Buffy turned to Giles and asked, "It's okay if they stay here? I don't want to impose or assume…."

Giles put up a hand to stop her, "Yes, Buffy. I think it is for the best actually". He looked at his slayer with sadness in his eyes.

"Thank you". She said to Giles. She then turned back to the brothers, "I'm sorry I didn't get to know you, but Cas trusts you, so I trust you." She walked over to Cas, took his hand and without any other words they disappeared.

John had been watching this whole exchange but didn't know what to say. He quietly said his goodbyes to everyone telling them he was going to look for a way to help Cas and Buffy, then made his way out the front door.

After a few minutes of no one saying anything, Sam left the front room for the kitchen; he wanted some good strong coffee because it was going to be a long night of research.

The rest of the group silently made their way to the den. No one had noticed that Anais came in and stood behind Giles. She gently took his hand and he grabbed her in a fierce hug and let his head fall on her shoulder. Dean knew he should leave, but for some reason he was compelled to stay.

"Rupert, she'll be okay, she is strong and she has battled far worse than this. With Castiel by her side they will be fine."

He looked down at his wife, loving her even more. He wondered for a minute if the Vampire Council could help in any way. He didn't want to bring it up now, though all he wanted was a drink. He let go of Anais and made his way to the whiskey cart.

"Dean?" He holds up a glass with some whiskey in it. Dean walked over and gladly took the glass from Giles. Anais sensed the two men wanted to be alone and left. They looked at each other long and hard, not saying a word, but saying everything. The older man turned and walked downstairs. After a few minutes Dean took a drink of the whiskey and followed.


	10. Chapter 10: Two Weeks later

Sam and Dean were very restless. They didn't have much to do, they hadn't gone on a hunt and trying to pin down the slayers younger sister was easier said than done. "Man, this is killing me Sam. We still don't know exactly what the girl is, Cas didn't give us any time to find out anything and we haven't been on a hunt in a long time". They were in the library; Sam was trying to study some of the obscure lore on Angels, The Key and anything that might give them trouble in the immediate vicinity. Dean however kept distracting him with his pacing.

"Dean….Dean….._Dean_…" Sam yelled trying to get the attention of his very distracted brother.

"What?."

"You're distracting me, go somewhere else".

"And just where am I supposed to go?"

"I don't know, go somewhere, anywhere, I am trying to do some research here. We have no clue what The Key is other than it can open any spiritual lock, we don't know why Cas's relationship is forbidden or how to help him and we don't know the local lore so we can't really hunt. Now if you want to help, you could pick up a book."

Dean looked at Sam, the pile of books around him and sneered ever so slightly, "Nah, you're the brainiac I'll leave it to you kid." He couldn't help calling his brother kid; it irked Sam which amused Dean to no end.

"Jerk"

"Bitch" They looked at each other and laughed. Dean felt at that moment another piece of himself slide ever so slightly back into place. They'd been at odds with each other for so long, it felt good to laugh with his brother again.

Just then Anais poked her head in "There you two are. Always in the books aren't you Sam?" She looked at him smiling.

"Yes ma'am, it's the only way to understand what it is we are dealing with."

"You remind me of a young Rupert Giles. He was the same way, and often still is. Head in a book, though he loathes technology and won't hardly touch a computer." She laughed looking at the open laptop in the middle of the books. "I was looking for you and wanted to talk to you. I know you boys have been restless. And, Sam here tells me, Dean that you have a particular car that you are quite fond of. If you are going to stay a while I wouldn't mind bringing it 'across the pond', so to speak, for you."

Dean was very touched. Giles and Anais had gone above and beyond for them, but this was too much, "Ma'am, I can't let you do that. I appreciate everything you're doing for us now. I feel like we are just freeloading and this wouldn't be right to ask you to do."

Anais walked over to the dark brooding young man, laid a hand on his arm "It would be my pleasure". Dean looked at her and thanked her for her generosity, "And in the meantime, there are a couple of cars that are not being used that you are welcome to borrow anytime. Also, I think you boys would like some work?"

Dean narrowed his eyes and looked at her suspiciously, "What kind of work?" Sam just sat there and waited to see what her offer was.

"Well, I hear from your brother Dean that you are a genius mechanic. My full-time mechanic quit on us. His daughter is moving to the city and wants her parents to come with her. So they agreed. I have a garage full of cars that need periodic maintenance. We can work out a weekly stipend later."

Dean couldn't hold back any longer, "Why are you doing this for us? Not just getting my car, which is awesome by the way, but all of this. Taking us in like this? We're just a couple of hunters, nothing special".

"Oh Dean, if you believe that then you haven't looked deep enough inside yourself". She looked hard at Dean; her eyes slowly turned a deep solid red and looked inside to the soul of the young man. "You have so much inside you, so much compassion and love, but you hate yourself. You need to see yourself as others see you Dean Winchester". She pulled back and her eyes slowly went back to normal. Still looking at the now shaken young man, "Plus, anyone that Castiel considers family is family in my book". She laid a hand on his heart and reached up to place a chaste kiss on Dean's cheek.

She turned to the younger brother, "Sam, I know you are quite the researcher. I could use someone to help me in my practice. I know you finished your pre-law classes and I checked with the University and most of your credits will most likely transfer. Only a few classes and you could become a paralegal. It could be independent study and your work with me would count as your internship. I know it's not a full barrister, but you would still be working in law and can have an open schedule. There is not too much different in the language of the law and you will just need to know how British law differs, but I am sure you could quickly come up to speed. What do you say?" Sam stood there gaping at the woman. Here she was helping him achieve at least a part of a lost dream. Something he never thought would, or could happen.

"I…..I honestly don't know what to say. I can't possibly pay for any schooling…"

"Sam, your University transcripts are quite impressive. Your LSAT scores were some of the highest I've seen and the Dean of Law was quite impressed. He said if you were willing they could offer you a scholarship for tuition and books. The classes would be online and you only have to go see him on campus once-a month for he is quite interested in meeting you".

Sam lurched forward, pulled her into a fierce hug, "I don't know how you did all of this, but yes, yes I accept". Dean was enormously proud of the kid; this was what he'd always truly wanted, a home, and a family, the apple pie kind of life. But for the first time Dean wanted it too, for however long it may last.

"Anais, really, this is…..this is great. I don't know how we're going to pay you back".

"Sam, Dean, you don't have to pay me back. The girl needs you and Castiel asked you to care for her. To do that you need a stable place to live and money, so I am offering both. I wouldn't patronize you boys with charity, though it would be my pleasure, I know you like to make your own. The only other thing we need to work out is your Visa's, but I have, shall we say, connections? It will be handled quickly and without too much of a fuss". They both looked at her agape, not wanting to know what the 'connections' were, but glad she could help.

"So, Dean, would you like me to show you the garage? I somehow think you will be very pleased. Sam, I think we can safely leave you with your research?"

Sensing Anais wanted to talk to Dean alone he conceded, though he really would have liked to see it himself, he wasn't totally immune to the allure of a great car.

* * *

"Oh for all that is holy, this place is…..is…..a thing of absolute beauty". The garage was full of cars from all different eras. There were cars going back to the early 1900's. American Muscle cars, a limo, a 1945 Bentley, and even the highly sought after 1963 split window Chevrolet Corvette, Dean had only ever seen one of those at a car museum in California.

Anais laughed knowing what cars meant to some people and taking pleasure in watching the young man be in awe of the collection. "These are various cars from my sons, lovers and my last husband. They all were 'gearheads' as you Americans say. My Charlie, second husband from just before WWI to when he passed in 1963. He had a particular penchant for the American Muscle car. My sons and daughter drive their own when they are visiting which are housed in the smaller garage to the right. You'll be expected to take care of those as well, though they don't visit as often as I would like. All of the ones from 1901 – 1944 are registered classics. The very early ones I have a specialist keep up the maintenance, but the others, from the Bentley on need regular care. I have a feeling you will take very good care of these".

"Yes, yes ma'am. Where is the maintenance area? I don't see the tools and other items needed to help take care of these beauties". She turned to the left side of the garage and beckoned Dean to follow. They moved into a large secondary garage that had every piece of tool and equipment you could think of to keep even the oldest vehicles running. They even had a small petrol station just outside and Anais explained that they got delivery every few weeks. This would also been part of Dean's job to keep track of the petrol and report it to her on a monthly basis. "It just keeps getting better. This is just too much".

Dean was silent for a few minutes before he turned to his benefactor. "I don't mean to be rude, but normally Vampires, I gank them, I've cleared out whole nests and had no qualms about killing every last one of them. There was a group that Sammy convinced me to let go, but for the most part they are mean, nasty and evil sons 'o' bitches. But, you and your family have convinced me they are not all alike". He wasn't sure how to continue or even sure what more to say. He knew from the moment of his first session with Giles that he was going to stay for a while, even before Cas asked him to. Now, with wheels they could hunt, they have a home base and freakin' jobs. This was a little overwhelming.

"Dean, you're welcome and as I said, it's my pleasure. I love having so many young people around. Keeps me feeling like I'm 100 instead of 500," Dean laughed at the obvious joke, "Of course I didn't just bring you out here to talk about cars. I wanted to give you something and I don't think you would want your brother around for this". She held up a collar about an inch thick with a chain and a horizontal bar balanced at the end it. Small studs were dotted around the whole band. He slowly took the piece of jewelry, which was surprisingly masculine and held it for a minute. He swallowed hard before meeting her eyes, "This can be used as a signal, that is if you are comfortable wearing it. You don't have to, like Giles has probably told you; it's always your choice".

A part of him didn't want to take it, but he did anyway. He saw that this woman understood what he was going through. He whispered to her, "I don't know why I need this, or want it "Anais knew he was not talking about the collar, "It's like this something other inside me. It's…."

"Dean," She said as she laid a hand gently on his arm, "You don't have to explain to me. It's not shameful and I suspect that small parts of you are healing. I know how can getting the crap beat out of you be healing? It's a release, sometimes those who hold onto their feelings the strongest; those who try to control everything need a way to let it all go. Here," She handed him a piece of paper, "This is a website for people going through what you are going through. It might help you to understand."

He took the gifts and pulled the woman into a fierce hug. He was grateful for her understanding, and her discretion. "Thank you." Is all he said, Anais started to leave to let Dean process everything when she turned back and handed him a set of keys, "I almost forgot, here are the keys to the garage doors and the lockbox to the car keys. I am sure you might need a good long drive".

After she left he looked over the cars and decided to take the 1965 Shelby G.T. 350. As soon as he got behind the wheel, all of his cares, his pain, and his anger were left behind him for a time. And, when he was out on the open English countryside, he felt downright invincible. Finding a classic rock station playing The Who, he turned it up loud and opened up the engine. He felt absolutely at peace for the first time in weeks. Even if it was fleeting, he didn't think, didn't feel, he just let the powerful racing engine flow through him. He drove for hours, getting back late. He put the car back after cleaning it and headed up to bed and felt happy.

* * *

"Cas, we have to keep going. We can't stop here, it's too open, and we're too exposed."

"I know. I have a place in mind, but we need to make sure that no one is following." Cas moved away from the small clearing they'd been standing in to make sure no Angels were there. They hadn't had too many problems, a skirmish here and there; they tried to keep the killing to a minimum. Cas knew his brothers and sisters were just following orders, but whose orders he didn't know. Was it their Father? Or one of the Archangels, he wouldn't put it past Zachariah to come gunning for him, they have always had a, shall we say, rocky relationship. Cas saw no one and went back to Buffy.

"I think were safe. We are going to a friend's place. Actually a friend of Sam and Dean's, he has almost as much protection as Anais, and he has a protected bunker that we can hide in for a little bit till we can make a better plan".

Buffy laid a hand on Cas's cheek, stretched up on her feet and kissed him long and hard. "I trust you Castiel. You never let me down in a battle, and you won't let me down now."

Cas looked down at Buffy and felt guilty because he thought he failed her by not being able to find her sooner. "I let you down Buffy. I couldn't find you. I always searched when I could. But, this isn't the place to discuss this; we need to get to my friend's." He took her hand and flashed her into the middle of a junkyard. It was coming up on evening and he wanted to be inside before full dark.

"Wow, Cas, you sure do know how to show a girl a good time". She looked at him with a puzzled expression on her face.

"Don't let the junkyard fool you, there is some powerful magic protecting this place. Come on." They walked up to the house set to the side of the main yard. Cas approached the front door and knocked.

"What in all tarnation do you idjits want now?" Yelled a gruff voice from the, what Buffy assumed was the living room. An even gruffer looking man threw open the door, expecting Sam, Dean, Rufus or one of the other myriad hunters who came by for his advice. He did not expect to see an Angel. "Castiel, what for cryin' out loud are you doing here? And why are Sam and Dean in…"

"England," Said Cas holding up his hand cutting off Bobby before the man could ask any more questions, "Bobby this is Buffy Summers. She is an Angel too. Can we come in? I didn't know any other safe place to bring us". Hearing a slight desperation in his voice he let the two in.

"Okay, Cas, but just why are my boys in England? And why is this girl so important to you?"

"Hey, I'm right here I can talk for myself."

"Wow, you got an attitude there don't you young lady? Well, okay talk for yourself".

Buffy gave the man called Bobby a stern look, "I'm the slayer, I died and went to Heaven, fought beside Castiel for 100 years, we grew…..close, then my friend Willow used a spell to put my soul back in my body, I had to dig out of my own grave, closed a hellmouth with _the_ big bad Evil in it, activated all potential slayers, went to England and Cas found me again". Mouth agape, Bobby looked at her like she was some crazy woman on crack. Buffy just stared back at him, brows raised, hip cocked, arms crossed at her chest and waited for him to challenge her.

"You wanna run that by me again?" So, both she and Castiel explained their situation much slower this time so Bobby could keep up. "You two idjits came here? Thinking you're safer? Well, you just might be right". He sighed trying to wrap his head around one strange thing more in an already strange life. "Just tell me this, are the boys really safe? Some English lady asked for the Impala to be sent over there, does this mean they are going to be there a while?"

"Well, see I sorta kinda…" Bobby looked down at the petite blonde with a hard expression on his face, "Drafted them to take care of my little sister. She's very important."

"What kind of important thing would keep my boys in a strange country?"

"Possible end of the world important. Cas," Buffy turns to Cas and said under her breath, "I've told too many people, can he be trusted?"

"Buffy, I trust this man completely. He would never betray our trust, would you Bobby?"

"No, Cas, I wouldn't. You're too important to Dean and Sam too and you've been nothing but good to me. What is so god damn special about this sister of yours?"

"She is The Key," Buffy waited a moment to see if she had to explain more.

"Well now, that would keep the boys there wouldn't it?" Bobby leveled a hard but knowing stare at Buffy, "Look, I have a secure panic room downstairs. I've got Devil's traps and Angel's signs all over so nothing will get in. I take it some heavy hitters are after you?"

"Yes Bobby. But if they come here, we will leave; I don't want to put you in anymore danger than you might already be". Cas told him giving Bobby an out if he wanted it.

"Don't be an idjit boy; I'm in danger from any number of these hunter yahoos comin' here all hours of the day and night. Hell, Rufus alone puts me in danger every coupla days. I'll be okay." He led them to the panic room downstairs.

"I'm sorry if the bed is a little uncomfortable this ain't meant to be no Hilton, but it's clean and it should get you through the night." Bobby said goodnight and left them alone.

Buffy stepped up to Cas and put her arms around him. He pulled her into a tight hug, laid his head on hers and kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry."

Buffy looked up at him, slightly confused, "What are you talking about? Cas, you have nothing to be sorry for. I love you". She put her hands on his face, reached up and kissed him slowly letting her tongue explore his mouth, taking the kiss deeper and with a sense of urgency. They took their time with each other. They slowly undressed each other while they touched and tasted everywhere. Their love was shining through as Cas took her slow and soft. He relished each feeling each sigh and moan he was coaxing out of her. He moved in her and with her, he laid his forehead on hers kissed her hard and cherished each moment, each feeling. "Buffy, you will always be everything to me". He started to move more urgently, building up the tension in each other, and felt when Buffy let go and came, "Castiel, Cas," She cried "I love you, I love you," She said over and over when Castiel finally let go himself and came deep inside her. He fell gently by her side, pulled her closer, fear ran through him that he may lose her in this fight. Neither one of them said anything as they laid there quietly reflecting on their situation. They didn't sleep, because Angels don't sleep, but they were able to rest in relative peace.


	11. Chapter 11: Two Month's Later

This chapter deviates in the way Dean confesses to Sam about Hell, but it fit the way the story was going so I hope you enjoy it.

**Disclaimer:** Again, don't own, wish I did, anything Supernatural or Buffy. Just a huge fan.

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Sam and Dean were driving down one of the side country roads towards the site of a case that looked to be werewolf in origin. Dean had been quiet for a while; in fact he'd been quiet the whole time they'd been in the car. He shut the stereo off and turned his head just slightly to look at Sam, "Sam, I know I haven't talked to you about all the stuff that's been going on with me."

"Dean, I understand you don't want to talk about what happened to you in Hell, but what you're doing? I don't understand that."

Dean suddenly pulled the car over to the side of the road, turned off the engine and looked at his brother long and hard, "I wasn't in Hell for 4 months Sammy," Dean said with an angry edge to his voice, "Time works, I don't know differently down there," He looked away, out the window trying to hold on to the sanity he had felt slipping from him for a long while, "It was 40 years."

"Oh my God Dean, why didn't you tell me?" Sam was trying to understand the implications of that statement and waited for Dean to continue.

"I couldn't Sammy", Dean took a deep breath and looked straight ahead, "Everyday my soul would be torn apart in ways you can't even begin to imagine. Then suddenly I'd be put back together to go through it all again the next day." Dean had to stop for a minute as his emotions ran high, the pain of the memories of Hell were ever present in his mind. "Then this demon, Alastair, he would come to me at the end of every day and tell me it could stop, that all I had to do was agree to put someone else on the rack. Some other lost soul would suffer, but I'd be free." Tears silently fell and Dean went through it all again, "I held out Sammy. I held out for 30 years, but I couldn't. I just couldn't take it anymore and one day I broke. I broke and I accepted Alastair's offer." Dean's voice broke, his breath hitched with the pain from his memories, "I put souls on that rack and I did terrible things Sam. Things I can never forgive myself for".

"God, Dean, I can't even pretend to understand what you went through." He laid a hand on Dean's shoulder, "You held on for 30 years man, most people wouldn't, couldn't".

Dean suddenly got out of the car, hurriedly walked a short distance down the dirt road and stopped. He closed his eyes threw back his head and yelled at the top of his lungs. He fell to his knees, still yelling, over and over, he looked at the ground in front of him and pounded. He poured all of his anger and his rage into the ground.

Sam got out of the car and went to his brother took him in his arms and held him. Dean leaned slightly into his Sam and let the tears fall and let Sam comfort him.

After a few minutes Dean broke the contact got up and made his way to the Impala, sat on the trunk, head down he felt spent and hollow. He looked up at Sam who had a worried look on his face.

"Dean, man….." Knitted brow Sam tried to understand. He walked up and sat by his brother and laid a hand on his shoulder.

Dean didn't turn to his brother, but he appreciated the fact that Sam was there. "Sammy, I….I'm broken. I'm broken and I can't seem to fit all the pieces back together. This thing with Giles, I know you don't understand. I don't expect you too. I'm going to tell you this once and once only then don't ask me again Sammy. I need it. When I'm down there with him letting him do those things to me, these confessions and feelings in me break loose, I can let go and I can feel again. Some piece of me slides back in place and in a strange perverse way I'm being put back a little at a time. So, please just give me this and don't ask me about it." Dean looked at the brother he has given everything to protect and saw that same fierce protection staring back at him and it broke something in him, but also gave him something back.

"Alright Dean, I'll back off. You do what you need to, but just remember I love you man and I'm here for you." That's all that needed to be said. Dean felt a little lighter for finally telling Sam what was going on with him. His shame was still deep and he didn't know if there was anything in this world that could fix that, but being there with Sam finally telling him made bearing the burden a little easier. So the brothers got back in the car knowing nothing else needed to be said. Dean turned the radio up loud signaling he didn't want to talk anymore.

They got to their destination; found that their instincts were right and ganked the werewolf with a small amount of effort. The brothers were glad for once that they had an actual home to go back to. Each of them was still silent as they made their way back to their own rooms. Sam immediately fell onto his bed without cleaning up and went right to sleep. Dean however was too wired to sleep. He went to his dresser and started to get ready for a shower but saw the collar sitting there. He stood there looking at it for what seemed like forever. He picked it up, holding it for a minute and for the first time since it was given it to him he put it on. He went downstairs and hoped to find Giles still awake. He lucked out and saw the older man in the den reading a book on Angel lore, sipping whiskey. Giles looked up, took off his glasses and saw Dean standing there in the shadows, legs apart, hands in his jean pockets staring back at him.

"Dean." The young man stepped forward into the light of the den and Giles saw he was wearing the collar. "Well, okay." That's all that needed to be said between them. They stared at each other for a minute when Giles got up and went down the stairs and waited for Dean to follow. Dean knew it was going to be a bad night, but he was compelled to go down there anyway. He walked into the dungeon closed the door behind him and it shut with a soft click.

* * *

"Cas, are you sure Bobby is okay? We left him there vulnerable".

"Haven, Bobby is tough and knows what he is doing. If we aren't there, they won't hurt him".

"Cas, I'm not feeling so good," And before she could say more, she heaved to the side of the road. She didn't really have anything in her stomach because she hadn't really eaten. Ever since she had gotten her grace back she didn't need to eat, but her stomach kept growling and she kept getting nauseous.

"Cas, I think…..I think I'm hungry". She looked at him incredulous

Castiel looked at Buffy with a strange expression on his face, "Buffy Angels don't get hungry".

"Well Cas, this one is and if I don't get some food, I'm going to get really cranky." Which was an understatement because she was also having mood swings; Angels also didn't get mood swings.

"Do you think it's safe to go to a diner, maybe something to go?" He knew she had money; Giles kept putting some in her account, just in case. Castiel conceded knowing that if they didn't do something, this, whatever it was, would only get worse.

"Okay, but we have to be very careful".

"Cas, I've been slaying Demons, Vamps and who knows what else since I was 15. I can handle Angels, as you've seen. We'll be fine. We'll be fast. Man, I could go for a cheeseburger and French fries. Ohh and pie, I really want pie". Cas shook his head and remembered a certain young man who has an unhealthy obsession with pie.

"Okay, I know a place." They ended up at a small out of the way diner that Sam and Dean often stopped at on their travels.

"Be quick we need to be on the move as soon as we can". They entered the diner, sat down and ordered, to what Cas thought was a lot of food.

"Oh My God, this cheeseburger is AMAZING Cas, try it." Cas did as she asked even though he knew it was useless. He did not understand how she could taste it. "Seriously I don't know how I'm able to taste this, but this is like…..like….." All of a sudden they felt a dark presence walk up to them, pull up a chair and sit down. Buffy stopped in mid-chew and swallowed hard.

"Who...Who are you? You're not an Angel, I know the presence of an Angel, and you're not a black eyed freaky demon". She looked around and saw the diner had been emptied of people and they were the only ones still there.

"No, Ms Summers, I am neither of those. I am Death". He stared at her looked deep into her soul and teased a memory to come forward.

"Yes, yes I remember you now, I saw you when I jumped in the portal. You said," It took her a minute to remember their encounter. "You said that you wanted to come for me personally, that all warriors should be respected with Death himself."

"So I did Ms. Summers, or should I call you Buffy? And how are you Castiel?"

"Fine, But I don't understand what you want, or why you are here".

"You are going to be doing something very important in the next few months. I can't give away the ending, but you need protection. I may be Death but I don't want utter destruction that is not in my nature. You see I have a twin sister and her name is Spring. She wanted me to seek you out and give you these". It was a pair of rings with a beautiful unusual stone in the center and large wings that wrapped around the sides. They stared apprehensively at them till Death beckoned them to put them on. They started to put them on their right hands when Death interrupted, "Un huh, wrong hands". He gently took them and placed each ring on their ring fingers of their left hands.

"But,"

"Yes, Ms. Summers. My sister tells me you two are true soul mates. You have played out this scenario through several lifetimes, but it always ends up wrong. You Buffy were given grace, to help you finally achieve the goal you both have been striving for. Though she can often be quite dramatic, I have seen what you two must accomplish. The Key will be instrumental in achieving this goal, as well as the Winchester boys".

"But why? Why are you helping us? You're Death".

"Ms. Summers, Death is just a part of nature. Spring and I are true forces of nature. We will always go on no matter what happens in Heaven or Hell because we are outside of them. But, Heaven and Hell will try, once again to take what is rightfully yours".

"Well, that's not cryptic at all". Castiel said as he looked Death right in the face.

A young waitress came up and handed Death a bag of food, but where she came from neither one wanted to think about. He said, "These rings will help to hide you from the other Angels until its time. When you return again to the Hennessey mansion, they will disappear and you will be on your own. But, your goal will be achieved". And with that he disappeared and left the couple staring after the spot he just occupied, dumbfounded.

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Remember to leave reviews. Thanks to everyone reading and hopefully enjoying the story so far. Don't worry the action will pick-up soon and there are more twists and turns for our heroes to make.


	12. Chapter 12: 4 Months Later

Sam and Faith make a connection. Dean makes a confession.

Sorry for the shorter chapter, promise longer chapter next time. Reviews are like chocolate, so please give me some chocolate. Than you.

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Sam was outside the Slayer school with Dawn teaching her the finer points of knife combat. They were using blunt wooden knives to minimize any injuries. He looked over to where Faith was working with some of the girls on general hand to hand combat, stared at her and wondered.

"Oh for heaven's sake, just go talk to her already. For such a big guy you sure are shy when it comes to women." Dawn said just as she landed a hit on a very distracted Sam. In his distracted state he was knocked off balance, fell and Dawn came down with him. They were both laughing when a very amused Faith walked up to them, "Well, I guess that's enough practice for you two, especially you there, Samwise Gamgee." She said as Sam and Dawn awkwardly stood up.

Sam just laughed at the ironic name, for he was over 6'4" tall and not a hobbit at all, but he got the joke. "I didn't peg you for a Lord of the Rings kind of girl".

Faith walked up closer to him, looked in his hazel eyes and said silkily "Well, Sam Winchester, what kind of girl do you take me for?" Sam swallowed hard, not really sure how to answer that. "Um, Mad Max?"

Faith laughed at his obvious discomfort. They'd been trading flirtatious insults at each other for a while now and she just wanted to finally get on with it. "So, Sam, why don't we meet for a drink later tonight at The Fox and Hounds? You do know where that is, don't you Samwise?"

Sam swallowed hard, "Yes, yes I do, um, what time?"

Faith thought for a moment, while she reached up and played with his too long hair, "Eight o'clock all right with you?"

Sam looked down at this beautiful, yet unpredictable woman whom he had become fiercely attracted to and said "I'll be there". Faith gave him a broad smile and walked away. Sam couldn't help but to stare long and hard at her retreating body.

"Hm, I think someone's getting lucky tonight." Dawn teased him before she trotted away teasing Sam to follow her.

"Why you little…." Sam chased after Dawn across the wide lawn and laughed as they collapsed together after Sam gently tackled the young girl. Dawn thought about the last six months without Buffy and it made her a little sad. She desperately missed her sister, but Sam and Dean became so very important to her in such a short time. They were like the older brothers she'd always craved. "Sam," She got serious for a moment, looking at Sam sadly, "Do you miss them? I know I do. This not knowing if they are alright, sometimes I feel like it's killing me."

"Dawn, believe me when I say I know how you feel. My Dad and I fought all of the time, but when he had disappeared for a short time it was hard on Dean and me. But, sometimes, and it took me a long time to understand this, we have to let those we love go for them to be safe." Sam was sad for a moment too, because in the end his Dad wasn't safe, but he didn't want to bring up death to the girl. He thought about his Dad and how he wished he had one more day with him.

"I know. I just wish she could tell us in some way if they were okay. If something happens…" She looked up at the handsome young man for a second before she laid her head in his lap and cried. At least when Buffy was dead she knew where she was, but this, this not knowing was killing her even more. Even though Dawn cared very much for Giles, for he'd been like a second father to her, she felt like only Sam and Dean truly understood her. Not unlike Xander, but he's gone all the time, looking for other Slayers to bring back here. So, in her sorrow, she turned to the brothers to find comfort. Sam and Dean meanwhile took to the vulnerable young girl, understanding more than most what she was going through.

* * *

Later that night, Sam and Faith were actually having a full-on conversation over good English ale, lamb pasties, and some curry fries. "So, wait Buffy died for less than 10 minutes, that activated another slayer, then that slayer died and you became the slayer, yet Buffy was saved by your friend Xander so she was still the slayer". Sam said with knitted brow and a slightly amused smile, "Then Buffy sacrifices herself to save, literally the world and dies again, Willow brings her back and now we're here. Is that right?"

"Yup, you got it". She took a moment and looked away a little sadness crept in her voice, "When my Watcher first found me, man was it weird when he told me what I was. We were on a hunt and a very nasty Vamp got the upper hand and killed my Watcher. A short time later I learned about Buffy and Giles and thought 'what the hell'. We have had a very rocky relationship, but I respect Buffy and all the crap she's gone through. So, I think it's only fitting that I help Willow and Giles with the school. So, Samwise, what's the story on you and Dean?" Normally he didn't like nicknames, especially when Dean called him Sammy, but the way Faith called him Samwise just did something, not unpleasant, to him.

Here Sam took a deep breath, looked down sadly, for no matter how much time passed losing the mother he never knew still haunted him. "My Mom was killed by a Demon. He bled her then set her on fire when I was 6 months old. My father then became obsessed with finding out anything and everything to do with the Demon and why. He taught us everything we know. He taught us to fight, how to handle guns, rituals, exorcisms, and more, I did my first exorcism when I was around 12 years old." Sam stopped and thought about the strangeness of his life. "Then I turned 18 and I wanted something better for myself, a better life so I got a full ride to Stanford and started studying pre-law".

"What dragged you back? You're damn smart; sounds like you would have been a pretty good lawyer."

"My girlfriend," The pain of losing Jess was still there, but it was no longer his driving force. It was a hurt that never truly went away, just lessened to a dull ache. " I was going to ask her to marry me if I got accepted to Law School. She was killed in the same way as my Mother. Dean came back and I only thought of revenge. But this life, it gets under your skin and somehow I knew I wasn't going back to college and I wasn't going to have that white picket fence with 2.5 children". He picked up his beer and took a long drink. Faith thought he was trying to make a joke, but there was a bitter edge to it. Faith thought about the differences between the brothers. Dean wore his pain on his sleeve, in his manners and his overly macho bravado, but Sam? He was quieter with a lot simmering under that vulnerable exterior. She knew that Sam wasn't telling her everything and Faith was compelled to find out what else there was.

"So, we hunt things and try to help people to make the shadows a little less frightening for everyone." Faith leaned in close to Sam, placed a hand on his cheek, kissed him letting Sam feel the promise of something more. She looked him in the eyes, her hair seductively fell around her face and she whispered lowly "Sam, why don't we take this somewhere a little less, public?"

Sam immediately went into action, pulled out his wallet and threw a few pounds on the table, not even bothering to count it, got up, grabbed her hand and all but ran to his borrowed car. They made it back to the house and up to his room in no time at all. For once Sam didn't think, didn't analyze he just let himself feel the pleasure of a woman under him. It was quick and passionate and Sam didn't want her to leave. He held her close for a little while then he moved on top of her, going slower this time. He took his time and savored the taste and feel of her and he watched her face as he took them both over the edge.

They were wrapped up in each other; Sam gently stroked Faith's back and reflected on how very creative she was, as she stretched out, almost catlike next to him. All of a sudden they heard a rather loud scream coming from downstairs, "What the hell was that?" They quickly grabbed whatever was lying around to put on and ran downstairs to the source of the cries.

* * *

Dean was chained to one of the bars attached to the ceiling and slightly lifted off the ground. His body was sweating from the exertion, from the endurance of the pain. They had already been there for a couple of hours and Ripper was working him hard, trying to gain a confession Dean had been holding back.

"Why are you here Dean?" Ripper said very darkly.

"I don't know." Dean told him in a quiet voice. He felt the crack of the whip, more marks and more pain.

"Wrong answer, Why are you here Dean?" Ripper said louder as he slowly walked around the boy. He used intimidation and fear to raise Dean's heart rate and his pulse.

Dean cried out, eyes shut, he said through gritted teeth, "I don't know".

Ripper stormed up to him, grabbed his hair and forced Dean to look him in the eye, he asked again, with a dangerous edge to his voice, "Why. Are. You. Here. Dean Winchester?"

Dean looked at Ripper, looked in those dark dangerous eyes he has gotten to know so well over the last few months. Each time they were together like this some confession or emotion broke and a part of him slid back into place. For the last couple of weeks they'd played out this scenario but it hadn't gone anywhere. Dean was afraid of the answer, afraid of giving in, of confessing his personal demons, but looking in the eyes of his partner in this give and take relationship, he broke, finally and honestly. He let his tears flow, let the pain show, and said quietly, "I deserve it." He hung his head as shame filled him up.

Ripper roughly let go of Dean's head, swiftly walked over to his wall of toys and chose the cat-o-nine tails. Slowly, predatorily he walked the short distance between him and the tortured young man. "Dean Winchester, I think that is the first real confession you have made in here." Whack, went the cruel whip across his back.

Suddenly, they heard a very loud scream coming from the upstairs den. Ripper used a quick release to let Dean down and made sure the boy could stand before they made their way quickly up the stairs, not caring about how they both appeared; just concerned someone might be in trouble.


End file.
